Thursday, July 30, 2009
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Two of my Uncle's served in Vietnam. I am not sure if they are war hero's or not. They were my Uncles. One potty trained me, and the other cooked breakfast for me anytime I was at his house.
My dad transported nuclear weapons. He was not a war hero. He was the one who told me all about Germany, and how much he loved it. He was also the one who threatened to kick my ass if I did not come back from Germany. I loved that county as much as my dad did.
Rusty and so many of my friends served in Desert storm/ desert shield. Are they hero's? I am not sure. Rusty could not pack his bags fast enough to get of this country. Rusty went over there as a boy playing with big boy toys.
Then he went back for Enduring freedom. This time I think he was a little bit sadder to leave, but he went and did his job and came home.
My girlfriend Becky asked me why the younger marines are so drawn to Rusty. All I could say was "because they all have something in common." That common factor is that they have all left loved ones and gone off to war. They have all seen hell on earth, and yet they tuck that away and come to everyone back here.
A few months ago I found a book at the exchange. It is letters that soldiers and families wrote through the generations. It looked very interesting, so I bought it and it has sat in a drawer for a very long time. They other night I pulled it out, and I think I got to page ten before I felt like I was invading Rusty's private life.
I have often wondered what Rusty has seen and done. He has never talked about it to me. I never once got a letter telling me all the details of war. Never. I have often wondered what it would be like to share that bond with Rusty. Yes, I sometimes want the bond that he has with the marines. I will never have that bond, but I do still wonder.
Rusty does not talk about war with the children and I. I am not naive, I know what goes on, but I won't hear the words come out of Rusty's mouth. I remember one phone conversation that we had, and Rusty said that he really missed me. I offered to get on a plane and fly over there, but he said hell was no place for his wife.
I even asked Rusty if he would go on Embassy duty. I got a very cold no, so I pressed on, and he said we had to many children. I came back with "well then get rid of one!". I got the blank stare that I have come to know all to well. He finally said "I can't in good conscience take my family into harms way." I knew by the tone of his voice that the subject was closed and not up for any further arguing.
Last night Rusty and I were sitting at the table and he picked up the book and asked where I got it. So I told him, but I said "When I started reading the book I felt like I was invading your privacy." I flipped to page I had marked and I read him paragraph. Rusty did not look up from his food, he did not stop chewing, he just said "yep" and went back to eating.
I did a lot of sewing today, and the book sat on the table staring back at me. I am having a hard time with this book. Do I continue reading this book, and read things that my husband would not want me to read.? Do I read this book to try to get a better understanding of my husband?
My husband is a man of very few words. Some of my friends have known me for a long time before they hear Rusty speak. It is what it is. He is the love of my life, and I would not trade him for anything. I just wonder. I wonder if he would be different if he had no seen the atrocities of war. Would if he would treat me differently if I had served right next to him. I wonder if he is protecting me for my own good. I wonder what happens if I break that trust and I start to step into the life that he does not want me to know about.
I have no idea what I am going to do about this book. I guess it is a good thing that I don't have that much time to read.
As for what to do about Rusty, I will keep him just the way he is. It may be a strange relationship, but it is ours, and I love it.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I had an amazing weekend. I love having the Marines mom's come into town. They always teach me something.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
I went and hung out on the beach until I got the call that she had actually made it to the airport. I know, I know, I should not need an excuse to go to the beach, but I did. I had a blast just sitting by myself and watching all the little children play in the ocean. I walked the beach and collected a ton of shell's, so I gave them to this little girl who was kinda sitting next to me. The girls mom said that they were perfect, and that she was going to put them in her bathroom back home. Turns out this family was from In. and they were just out here visiting. Well that's cool.
Nikki needed some clothing for her Vegas trip, so I took her out to goodwill. I have to confess. I found two really cute tank tops, so I bought them. I was just shocked at how much I spent, but I know if I would have bought all the stuff brand new it would have cost me and arm and a leg. I guess it is a good thing I have two of each.
Tomorrow I am going to hang out around here and get a few things done. I am not sure if Rusty is going to be home tomorrow night or Saturday night, but either way life and time march on.
I sometimes feel guilty about that but it has been that way for so long. I always go and do stuff weather Rusty is here or not. Before Rusty retired from the corp he was gone for 7 summers in a row. He missed birthday, ocean days, and everything else. I would just send him pictures. To the outside world, it might seem strange, but for me it is a way of life. A life that does not guarantee me that Rusty will be around for important and small events in our lives.
I did get to talk to Rusty for a little bit. He is doing good. He is just worn out and wants to come home. I want him to come home. While I like sleeping with my dog, I love sleeping with mu husband as well. Tonight I really miss Rusty. I hurt my shoulder today and it is just throbbing. I am a big baby and when I am hurt or sick I want my husband.
Oh well. There is no time to sick or hurt. Saturday my girlfriend and I are taking a bunch of kids to the beach. Then on Wednesday one of the marines mom's is coming to stay with us. Life marches on.
I better go take some pain meds and go feed the babies. Life is good.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
The last few months it has been hard. I needed to get my car fixed, get new tires, and...well lets say my grocery getter is running again.
However I have been sticking to my diet. I have a lot of quilts that I need to get done, but material is expensive. So I pulled out my crate of material and started sorting the material. I had enough material in there to make 5 full size quilt tops. I was also able to make a lot of pet quilts and a few quilts for the seniors. I still have more material left, and then another blogger friend picked up a bag of material for me! This is a God sent. I am able to keep on quilting and I am not spending a lot of money doing it. I do still have to buy the batting.
I have been limited my shopping trips. Now I go to the grocery store once a week, and if we run out of something to bad. With my husband being gone this week, I am taking the opportunity to save money and meat. The children and I don't care for meat, so tonight I am making cheese pizza's and using biscuits as my crust. Whatever vegi's we have on hand will be thrown on top. Nothing fancy, but I am not buying anything either.
My girlfriend had left some stuff here, and she was going to make a special trip to come get it, but I told her to wait. Rusty was going up to her base, so I had him load up his truck with the rest of her stuff. She saved time and gas. Rusty also asked me to send a camel back up because she was going to go buy one. Well we have several just sitting around here, so I will send one up with Chris when he goes to babysit for her. She will not be spending any money and since Chris is going up there we are not making a special trip.
Amber and Ryan are leaving tomorrow and they will be heading to Chicago. My mom told me to pack an extra suit case so she could send me some more material. I am taking advantage of this and send up Christmas gift's for 4 people. Why should I pay to ship something? They are going to have Christmas in July.
Tomorrow I am taking Ryan and Amber to the train station. They will take the train and then the bus over to airport. For the train and the bus I will be out $12, but I could not drive to the airport for $12. I may be spending money, but at least I am not spending as much money.
I have a litter of kittens in right now. For them, I am using all my old blankets. I do have a stash of them out in the garage that I use for all the kittens. I just wash them and reuse them everyday. There is no need to buy blankets and towels for them, when I have old, but usable stuff here. I am also reusing all the old bottles. No money leaving my pocket, and to me that is cool.
I have been trying to do more with the children this summer, but all of that coast money, so I am getting creative. Everyone in my house has their own water bottle, so I make sure that they all have their water bottles with them at all times. We can always refill them with water at any time. I have noticed that most places do have water coolers and that is what we use to refill the bottles. I also try very hard to pack snacks or whatever it is that they might need. I am also combining trips. If we are going to the beach, then I do all my running on the way to and from the beach, so that I am not making extra trips.
Nikki had mentioned that she needed some travel size toothpaste and lotion since she is getting ready to leave on her trip. I found a lady on freecycle giving away samples of toothpaste and lotion! To top it all off she was on the way to another errand I had to run. No money spent on getting Nikki ready for her trip.
With our water prices on the rise, I have turned off some of our sprinklers and I have told the marines that they can't do laundry here any more. This should help lower our water bill, so we will see.
I am still making my own laundry soap and hanging everything up to dry. So there is no extra money going out for me to do laundry.
All in all, my no spending diet is going good. It has forced me to get creative, and do with out, without doing with out. Not only am I saving money, resources, and time, but I am learning just how much I can live without and still have money in the bank. I think I am going to take that extra money and try to go to Oregon this fall. Hubby will be going up there on business, so I am thinking about joining him.
If anyone has a question on how I reduce and reuse please let me know. I will be happy to answer any questions and you help find a solution to your problems.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I can tell it is summer time here in southern California. The city has sent workers out to start to clear brush and we have a water dropping aircraft sitting in the lake.
This summer is going to turn out to be an awesome one. Last week one of the marines parents came in and we had a blast with them. Now one of the other marines mom's is coming in on Wednesday and I can't wait! Then one of my girlfriends is flying for a long weekend. I am thinking that summer is going to be a blast.
Last night Ryan tells Rusty and I that he is doing grease in summer school. What? So we start asking him questions. Yep sure enough they are doing a play of grease. I guess you don't have learn anything in summer school. I guess having a child on on iep means nothing. Well at least it is free day care for a few hours a day.
Amber and Ryan are leaving on Thursday. Yep they are heading to Chicago. Amber is not as happy as she once was. First of all because her bills are not paid and now she will miss out on some money. Then my mom told her that she will be babysitting for 4 day's. Well, I warned her that my mom would consider her free child care, but she does not listen to me. So this trip will be bitter sweet for Amber. I also think this trip is going to be a huge learning curve for her. So goes life.
Rusty and I bought Chris a pay as you go phone. It seems that his sister had his line cut off because she could not afford the $10 a month. Oh how my head hurts. If she had just asked me I would have given her the damn $10 a month. I guess this is just one more example of much his family cares about him.
Rusty is out of town until Saturday and part of my is happy. Does that sound bad? Over the last few weeks he has just bitched about everything and I am so sick of listening to it. Rusty stresses over everything. Even shit that he can't control. I guess that is why we are so good together, because we are so different.
I have come down to crunch time with my quilts. Most of the marines are out in the field right now and then..... well I can't say. So, I am going to be putting together a lot of quilts over the next few weeks. I love giving these guys their quilts, and love seeing them love the quilts, but it also makes me sad that I know they will be leaving. That is the cycle of my life.
The foster babies are doing real good. One of the babies has figured out how to crawl out of the crate, so I will need to be very careful where I walk in the morning. The funny thing is she is the smallest of the three. I guess you can't under estimate the little ones.
I have laundry soap on the stove and two quilts that are waiting to be put together. I better get back to my life.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Thursday, July 2, 2009
I broke the silence and said "you know I love Rusty?"
Sonja said "I know you do."
me. "good. Keep that in mind because last night I wanted to kill him. I was so not feeling good last night, so I took some meds and laid down. I was just about to fall asleep when Rusty announces that his blanket smells like cat shit. I get up and look at his blanket. I grabbed it and threw it the laundry pile and went and got him another blanket. Then I got back in bed and he announces that the sheets smell like cat shit. I get my dizzy ass out of bed again and told him to go smoke something. I stripped the bed. I even changed his pillow cases. I go back to bed. Then he wakes me up because he is now sleeping at the foot of the bed. Once again I get out of bed, this time I go and get a fan. That was when Rusty announced that he still smells cat shit. Rusty then used my legs as a pillow. I swear to you I wanted to kill him."
Sonja just sat there. I go on. "So today I washed everything in the bedroom and I went and bought him new pillows. I even bought bamboo pillows, but don't tell him because he wants nothing to do with my eco friendly ways. Let me say for the record there was no cat shit in that room, and if he does not sleep tonight then he will the first person to die from Bamboo."
Sonja said "You know I just fabreeze everything down. Then I put baby powder down, and then I spray the sheet and pillows with this stuff I got from bath and body works. We could make your room smell like a girls room."
We went back to swinging.