What a ride.

Well our family has made it through another year. How we did this I don't know. I must say that this year was filled with a lot of good times.

I had the pleasure of meeting several of the marines parents and they were just so much fun. I also spent a lot of time at the beach. For me that is always a good time. I also remembered that a good time does not have to coast a lot of money.

Rusty and I have grown more and more in love. I never knew that was possible, but it happened. I am so glad that I have him in my life and that he is the one I go to bed with every night.

I have been looking into the future and I know this year is going to be a great roller coaster ride. I am gearing up for it, so maybe I will be able to fly through everything with grace.

Amber has been on my last nerve since Christmas. If she makes it through the next year I will be excited. Now don't get me wrong. Amber is a good kid. She is not pregnant or doing drugs, she is in college, but man she needs a good dose of reality. Ambers ex boyfriend Sam is now back in town and they have hooked up again. Since Sam got back in town Amber has been treating me like dirt under her feet. When I talked to Rusty about it he said "She is trying to play adult, the sad thing is she does not know the rules of the game."

I see Amber heading for a very hard time. Soon Sam will go back to N. Caroline. Then what? Amber will be back here going to school and hopefully working. I could sit here and tell Amber how hard long distance relationships are. I could tell her that Rusty and I are the exception and not the norm. Most military marriages don't last. I could tell her all of this, but she wont listen to me, so I am not wasting the valuable oxygen on her.

Nikki will be 18 this year, and she has her tattoo picked out. It will be of a mouse and she is getting it on her foot. My dad use to call her a mouse, so he is getting the mouse in honor of him. I don't care if my children get tattoo's. I told them that as long as they live here they can only get a tattoo if it can be covered by clothing.

Nikki is going to try to go on two mission trips this year. She wants to go to the Philippians and to New York. Let the fund raising begin. Some how some way she always comes up the money and I have faith that it will be the same this year.

Ryan will be going into high school this fall. Rusty and I are not sure what high school we want him in. When it comes to Ryan every decision is very hard. Before Christmas break Ryan had a complete evaluation. I guess the results were good or bad depending on your point of view. His scores were very low. The good news about that is that he now qualifies for more programs, the bad news is it looks like Ryan will be living with us forever. Who knows what the future holds?

Chris got his ship date pushed back. It looks like he will not be leaving until mid April. That is cool with Rusty and I, but Chris is not so happy, because he wants to move on with his life and right now he is in limbo.

Chris had a great year. This time last year he was homeless, and now the world is his oyster. He has a home, food, clothing, and a motor cycle. Yep on of the marine GAVE him a motor cycle. Yes it did need some work, but it is up and running now and he could not be happier to have his own wheels.

As for me. Well I have some changes that I want make in my life. The first change that I am making is in my giving. Last year and this year we were not really able to adopt a family for Christmas. So I asked Rusty to please bring home some big boxes. In the past I had big boxes set up and throughout the year I would fill it with stuff and then those boxes would go to the family that we adopted. I am going to go back to that.

I am really trying to get my quilting priorities back in order. I still have to get some quilts done for the marines. I will need to make some quilts for the mission trips and I want to do the baby blankets. I need to find balance in all the sewing that I want to get done. I am also going to have to take a huge leap of faith in committing to these projects. My material stash is almost gone, and the last time it was almost gone people gave me material, and I am going to assume that this time will be no different.

I also want to try to learn more about the ocean. I go there so much and I do know a lot about it, but I would like to learn about some of the plants that wash up on the shore.

Well I need to get moving. Tonight Rusty and I are going to go have dinner with the triplets parents. It will be nice to sit down and actually have a conversation with other adults.

so it is

I have not writing much because for the last few weeks my life has been strange. Not in a bad way but in a way that is starting to annoy me.

1. If your daughters get two very expensive purses for Christmas, and all they can say is.... well this is more expensive so I will use this one. Well, I should have the right to return the purses and buy myself something.

2. If a wine glass breaks and you throw it away and then your husband pulls it out of the trash in hopes of gluing it back together.... just because it has the marine corp logo on it.... well I should have the right to finish smashing it with a hammer.

3. If a person is employed and owes $4,000 in credit card debt, and they can't put food on their table, well I should have the right to return the $300 worth of stuff she bought just because it was on sale.

4. If a person is employed and their car is not running that great, and they are getting out of the service and they are not sure if they have the gas money to make it home.... well they sure as hell should not be spending $150 on a new coat.

5. If you bitch and moan because I will eventually put Ryan in a group home, but you can't give up 20 minutes of your day to stay with him.... well, you should just sit down and shut the fuck up.

6. If you buy us more wii crap and wonder why no one is excited, well maybe you should have listened and not bought us a wii.

7. If you buy the largest cat box that you can, and your fat cat still tips it over, you should have the right to wire his jaw shut.

8. If you post on facebook that you and my father would have been married for 44 years. I SHOULD have the right to post back and scream stop the lying! You were not married that long, you were not married until right before I was born. You need to stop this lying to protect the bastard child. She is dead. Instead I said nothing.

9. When your uncle asks is children to look me up and facebook and then introduces me as his cousin.... well he should really be smacked with the family tree. I am your niece.

10. When life happens you should have the right to just go to bed and not have any questions asked. So before everyone starts asking questions I am going to go to bed.

mixed emotions

Over the past weeks this war has really hit me hard. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the war. Instead I try to stay busy. I do superficial things, like send Christmas cards to the boys, clean the house, talk to the boys mom's, and sometimes just wish they they were here. For the most part my day's march on.

So why then am I know questioning everything about the war? A few weeks ago I found out that a dear friends son was injured in Afghanistan. My heart broke and I just had to pick up the phone and call. We talked and we cried. I got a quilt for the wounded warriors and had it sent out. It was a small token of love and a small way to say thank you. Today this dear friend wrote on my facebook wall telling me that her son is home and doing as well as can be expected. I had joyful tears come to my eye's.

Then the other night hubby and I were sitting on the front porch and he said "I miss the boys." I just smiled and said that I missed them as well. That was when my husband confessed that he wishes he was over there with the boy's. He wants to go back to war. He wants to be the one leading the boys into battle.

While I cannot judge my husband and while I cannot ever know know what it is like to go into battle, I do have to wonder. I wonder if I will ever not be his mistress. For years I have been placed behind the marine corps and I foolishly thought that once he retired I would not longer be the mistress.

I don't understand. All I do know is that I am glad he is retired and that I will no longer have to pack him off to war. I am glad that he will be able to spend all the holidays with us. Most of all I am glad that my husband trust me enough to confide his secrets to me. The secret is he wants to go back.

Another girlfriend sent me a link to a homecoming that one of our service received, but it was not the homecoming the family wanted. Instead everyone got to watch the flag draped coffin roll past. He got a hero's welcome, its just a shame that he had to die to get it.

Yesterday Nikki yelled "mom check your facebook." There is was in black and white. A dear friend was hurting because she just found out that one of her friends was killed. I picked up the phone and called her. The whole time I was praying "Lord please give me the words". They never came. I told her that I was willing to pack up my porch swing and fly to her so we could sit on the swing and have a good cry. She laughed and said she would like that, but that it was to cold to do that.

How can I have so many emotions? On one hand I so happy that my girlfriend son is home, and on the other hand I am so sorry that my friends are hurting because they lost a friend.

However everyone that knows me knows that I don't let things keep me down, so I have been thinking about I can better serve our military. I know, I know. I already quilt for them, I feed them, I have their families stay here when they are in town..... I know, but there has to be something more I could be doing. My brain is going a million miles a minute trying to figure it out. I know people with the rough riders. Maybe I should start riding with them. Maybe I should......

On another note, I think I am fighting off a cold. I just have no energy and I ache all over. I do not have time to be sick.

I have a big over stuffed chair that sits next to the computer desk, and I just looked over to see my big pit laying there asleep. I have been thinking about training him to be a therapy dog. I really need to get off my bum and do it. I want to do it to prove that not all pit's are mean, and to prove to myself that I can do it. Hubby says his best trick is where's momma. if you ask you he will take you to me.

Well everyone is home, and I should go make sure that everyone eats.

year end eco recap.

This year was a year of growth and a year of trying new ideas. I started my eco friendly Friday's, not save the earth but to save me. I was on a mission to save money and to do my part to reduce recycle and reuse.

Now I have not always put the planet first, but I did try. The last week or so I have been busy doing stuff, and some , O.K. a lot of my cheap and eco ways have kicked in.

I bought no wrapping paper this year. I told everyone that we will use what we have on hand and after that you can get creative. Sometimes that can be hard. We had three rolls of that clear paper that had little designs on it. O.K. I will use it and I will show everyone that you can wrap something in clear paper. First I found some old tissue paper and I wrapped it around the gift and then I used the clear stuff over it. I also discovered that at the end of the roll was brown paper, so I also used that to wrap gifts.

Then there was the tree issue. I got over ruled and everyone wanted a real tree this year, so that is what they got. Threw some twist and turns we ended up with a free real tree. But we had no base for it, and I was not going to give in and go buy one. I was racking my brain, and then I remembered what one of my girlfriends does. She would take a deep bucket and put the tree in the bucked and then fill it with sand and then pour water over the sand. So off to the garage we went. We had a cat litter bucket that hubby was using, so we dumped his stuff out and I sent the girls to the lake to get some sand. I must say that it is very sturdy, and as of yet we have not had a cat climb the tree, but I am sure it will happen.

I was talking to the dogs one night and I asked them what they would like for Christmas. I know one of the dogs, butter, wants a new basketball, but what could I get for our old girl? I really wanted to get her a bed since she is not moving that well, but I don't want the hassle of trying to wash a pet bed. Then it hit me and I am now on a quest for a crib mattress. A crib mattress sits low to the ground, and I can cover it in blankets, which would be easier to wash. I can also slide the mattress under our bed when she is not using it. I found a crib mattress, but there is one problem with it. It is brand new! My girlfriend is going to give me her mattress, but her daughter never used it, and that mattress is top of the line. So once I get the mattress I am going to find someone who has a crappy mattress and trade them.

Butter is young and full of energy and he is very hard on his toys. He got a basket ball last year and he still has it. It is deflated, and the skin is gone, but he still plays with it. Then one of the marines said that he has a basket ball that has a tiny hole in it so it wont hold air for long. Perfect. There is butters gift.

Earlier this year I cleaned out all of my winter clothes, and I can tell you already that I will be getting rid of more clothes. I seem to only wear the same few sweaters and sweatshirts, so at the end of winter, I will be downsizing even more. I am just so amazed at how much clothing I had, how much I still have and how much I can live without. It actually feels good to have less, because I feel like I have more.

Well everyone, keep doing your part, and please tell me what you have done this year, and what ideas you have for the up coming year.

sometimes life just happens.

Monday I was suppose to take one of the marines back to 29 palms. I got up and got some stuff done around here, and then we headed for the gas station. The marine asked if he could buy me gas, so I said sure. A few moments later I looked at him and asked what he was doing? He was putting diesel in a gas car. I called Rusty and he told me to drive straight home and park the car. That is what I did.

We waited for Amber to get home and then we took her car. It was a good thing we waited to go up to 29 palms. If we had left when we originally wanted to we would have been driving through the eye of a massive storm. It was also good that we waited because we got to have a snowball fight in the desert. Now how many people can say that?

Yesterday Chris decided that he was going to drain my gas tank. UMMM O.K. so he gets busy and he comes in and asks me if we had anything he could dump the diesel into. No I am trying to think without sounding like I am stupid. I guess a gas can is to big to fir under the car.

So I go out to the garage and I take a look around. I called Rusty and I said " I have a stupid question for you. Will diesel melt plastic?" Rusty just said "Well I don't know but you can try it and if the plastic tub melts then you know it does."

So Chris gets all of that done, and he says that he is going to walk up to the gas station and get more gas. I got dressed and walked him. It was not a bad walk, maybe two miles of so. We also had to get a new fuel filter, so it was a good thing that there was an auto zone across the street from the gas station.

It was nice to just walk and talk to Chris. He thought it sucked that we could not drive there, but I told him that it did not bother me, because I use to walk everywhere. We were a one car family until about 8 years ago.

Chris finally got everything back on the car and he showed me the old fuel filter, and man it was gross. It was a good thing we went and changed it. The more I think about it the more I realize that the diesel being in by accident was a very good thing for us.

You know what else is kinda funny? Rusty and I. When I called Rusty to tell him that I was leaving for 29 palms he said "O.K. baby. Be safe and stay on the main roads." I actually listened to Rusty. Sometimes I don't always do that, but this time I did and it was a good thing I did, because I later found out that the back roads were all flooded out.

The other day Ryan came walking and he looked like something off the nerds movie. I just shook my head. Two months ago Amber and I cleaned out Ryan's clothes and now he has grown again! I swear I can't keep up with him. Think Kelli think. So I called one of girlfriends son's and asked him for all his "old" stuff. He brought over some really nice stuff for Ryan. The thing with Ryan is, is he is just so damn skinny! So is my girlfriends son, so he hooked Ryan up and showed him how to cover up the fact that his jeans bag, even with a belt on. So I guess it all worked out in the long run.

Today I am trying to air the house out and get some laundry done, because we are suppose to get another massive storm moving in tonight. I don't mind the storms as long as I don't have to go out in them. I think tomorrow will be a good day to just hunker down and do some sewing.

really now?

Let me start by saying that I had the privilege and the honor of entertaining two young men that just go back from Afghanistan. These boys were so happy to have a home cooked meal and a beer.

One of the marines Amber and Nikki have known most of their lives. It is strange how a child they would play with every summer, a child who lives in Chicago would now be a marine living just two hours from us. It really is a small world.

My children are on my last nerve. I am thinking about lowering my expatiation's. Maybe then I would not be disappointed.

Amber bitched at me because I would not drive to 29 palms when she thought I should. She is mad at me because she had to work and could not spend that much time with JT. Amber is still mad that I am not in the mood for Christmas.Last time I checked it was not her that was driving 4 hours, and paying for the gas. It is not my problem that she has to work. That is called life. As for Christmas I just told her "You know I use to love Christmas and I use to decorate the whole house. You guys bitched and said it was to much and that all of our stuff was ugly. Now I give the opportunity to decorate for Christmas and you still bitch." Amber shut up and walked away. No decorating has gotten done.

Chris is just not listening to anything. I know this is typical shit, but I am so sick of it. Today when he got up I asked him to please do a few things for me. I asked him to put the spare tire and the jack back. I asked him to load all the stuff that was going to the good will, and to go to the store for me. Thats it. That is all I wanted and yet none of it got done. O.K. let me get this straight. I just paid for a new tire to be put on the car. I pay for the insurance, and I give him free liberty with the car, yet he can't do a few simple things.

Nikki does not know which end is up. She thinks everyone is to blame for her problems. I am still trying to figure out I am responsible for her failing chemistry. I am still trying to figure out how it is my problem that she has to spend all of her money on fast food. I cook every night, but it is not good enough for her.

Ryan can't figure out that it is cold, so I have to inspect him every morning. He does not have common sense to put on long sleeves and a jacket. I swear if that boys asked me to let make another ginger bread house I am going to scream. We made them last year, and he just watched as everyone else made theirs.

I still miss my boys, and the children don't get that. Last night I listened to JT and his friend talk about the horrors of war, and my mind went straight to all my boys. I know that my boys are cold, hungry, and unsafe, yet I don't think the children understand this.

Well, I got the kitchen cleaned up. I am sure I will be expected to cook dinner.

I got the carpets cleaned in the living room. I guess I am going to put presents under an undecorated tree.

I guess I am going to go to the store and get the stuff I need. This will please Rusty since I will have to move his seat and steering wheel.... you know since Chris has my car and he still has not done what I asked.

I swear life with four teens is just so much fun.

baking and guns

Yesterday I was determined to have a good day.

I found out that one of my boys is heading back home! Yes. He will finally be home. He was suppose to be home for Thanksgiving, and he missed that, but he will be home for Christmas. He asked Rusty and I to go to a bbq with him and then he wanted to come back here. I told him that I would be there for sure, and we would have to look at Rusty's work schedule.

Yesterday Chris turned 19. We did not do anything big and fancy. I made him the dinner that he wanted and we got him something small. He had a great time, and we were thrilled to see him so happy.

Yesterday I also found out that I will be getting two new foster babies today! I cant wait. I love having babies in the house.

Amber ran to a friend of ours, and her daughter was selling candy outside the grocery store. So Amber bought a bar and my friend told Amber that she will be baking on the 22, so I better bring my Christmas platter over so she can fill it for me. YUM.

I also found out that my mom is sending out my dads bb guns, so Santa is going to bring them for the girls. I also saw a bb gun that I wanted to buy Ryan. Yep Santa has lost his mind this year. He is bringing the children guns for Christmas.

Then when I logged onto my facebook account I saw that a dear friends son was injured and is now in a hospital in Germany. Damn this war. I just sat there looking at the screen and wondering how and why this happened. I knew what I had to do, but see, I have never met this lady we only know each other through blogs and facebook.

I saw that she was on line and I i.m.ed here and asked her if I could have her number. She gave it to me and we talked for a while. This morning I sent here family several links to help them find the resources that they would need.

I just knew I had to do something. I just could not, not reach out. Everyone out there, please remember that we have boys and girls fighting in a war, and some are about to leave. Let's not forget that this holiday season.