I am strong.

I know that a person should never ask why, and for the most part I don't. You have to take the good with bad, and share your experiences with other people. I know that. I get it.Right now I am going to go into melt down mode. All of the marines call me mom or SgtMajor of marine corps base Lake Elsinore. Thats me. Mom to any marine that walks into my life. I also put them in line when they step out of line. Thats what I do.Last month I had one of the marines mom contact me and ask me how to send a red cross message. The wheels in my head started turning. I know this. I have delt with death and the military before. Think Kelli Think. O.K. I got my thoughts in order and and I told her how to do it. She had to send a red cross message to her son who kinda busy fighting a war. We talked. I tried to comfort her.Last night my phone rang, and since I did not know the number I sent it to voice mail. A few moments later Amber cam in and said you need to get up LeeRoy is on the phone, his sister just died.Crap. Grab my glasses, robe and Rusty's slippers. I went outside to call LeeRoy. There was big bad marine crying on the phone to me. His sister finally lost her battle with cancer. She was 26 and she left three small children behind.My mind goes back to just a week ago when I told LeeRoy everything that he needed to do. You got to get home, take care of your mom. Most off make sure the little ones are surrounded by love and support.Then Leeroy says "We went and made all the arrangements... before she died. Mom do you know how creepy that is?" Yes my dear son I do I did the samething for my dad."Mom I can't believe my sister just died. We should be laying our parents to rest, not each other." Yes my son. I know that as well. Remember last year when I laid my sister to rest."Mom here is all the info will you please call everyone and let them know?" Yes my son I will do that for you.My shoulders are going to break. Oh wait they can't. I can handle anything because God would not give me more then I could handle. It just seems like a lot.

I think I need a job.

This mom and house wife gig is getting old. Last night I got the whole house cleaned up, because I was going to grocery shopping, so when the hell?

I got up this morning to my kitchen just trashed. The dogs got into the trash and Nikki decided to cook something at 10 p.m. last night! She was even kind enough to leave everything for me to clean up.

For some odd reason I got up when Rusty did and I just looked at him and told him that I am giving him my two weeks notice and that I am done with this gig. He just laughed. Nikki overheard me and said "Please don't go back to work". Are you kidding? I did I lot less work when I did work.

I want one of those little machines that tell you how far you walk in a day. I know I would run circles around anyone in this house.

There was no sense in bitching about it. I just dove in and got it done. I even defrosted the freezer and got it all wiped down. It really was not that bad considering the freezer is almost bare anyway.

Tomorrow I have no choice but to go grocery shopping. I chose not to go today because it is raining here. I don't mind driving in the rain, its all the other stupid people on the road that bother me.

Yesterday I got a little quilt top done. I wanted something little but funky to cover a little end table. It looks so cool. I need to get some more smaller quilt tops done, so I can lay a ton out all at one time.

Why are young people so stupid? One of my marines has decided that he is going to get married this weekend. What? He met this gal on line and they have only seen each other for two months. I will not allow this marriage to happen, I don't care if I have to hog tie him and keep him in the garage. Sometimes young people can be so stupid.

I took up another challenge, beside my baking everything from scratch. I am eating my way through my pantry. At first I thought this challenge would go by quick. First you get rid of any expired food and then you have to eat what is in your pantry, and make do with what you have.

My pantry is very deep, and there was a ton of food in there, and to be honest there was more food then I thought. I did have to buy the basics like sugar and vegi's, but we are still eating out of the pantry. It is amazing how much money I am saving and it has made me realize just how much food we do have.

Last night I was trying to find something for dinner. I ended up grinding up some meat and making hamburgers. No, I did not have hamburger buns but we had other buns, so we ate them up. Now I had to find stuff to mix into the ground beef. There in my pantry was two things of bread crumbs. Really? I can't remember the last time I used bread crumbs. Anyway everyone liked the homemade hamburgers better then the store bought kind, so I guess I will keep making my own.

My laundry is calling me, so I better get on it.

my chest.

I swear the last two weeks have been hell on me. First my tumors were bothering me and now I got a damn sinus infection. I guess it really isn't and infection since the stuff I am blowing out is not green. I have been using a lot of old wives tales and they really work. At one point I thought my teeth were going to pop out of my head, now I can open my mouth and kinda chew.

Anyway on to my chest. When I turned 16 I asked my dad for a ceder chest, and he bought it for me. I loved that thing, and I have toted it around the world. I really wanted my great grandmothers chest, but I was told no that I could not have it. My great grandmothers chest was huge. and there is just a treasure trove of stuff in there.

Well last weekend Nikki had her winter formal and she asked me if I had any gloves. You know "the old kind that the ladies wore. They would go up past the elbow." As a matter of fact I do. I went into the garage, and cleared off the top of my ceder chest, and attempted to open it.

I started digging. I found my first sleeping bag, some of the girls baby stuff, old photo albums, a note my dad wrote me, and then there they were the gloves. Nikki jumped for joy, but in the end she wore the little Jackie O style gloves.

After Nikki left I went back out to my chest, and I pulled out my sleeping bag. It has raggedy Ann and Andy on it. I folded it just right, and then I hung it next to Rusty's great grandmothers quilt. The marines and Rusty were just looking at me. I finally said "This is my first sleeping bag and I have a picture of my grandmother helping Santa fix it up right. I can either let it finish rotting in the chest or I can hang it up and get some joy out of it, and then throw it away."

Rusty just smiled and said "I have never seen that before". Yep I believe it. That chest has been a taboo place for anyone but me. Those are my memories and no one needs to be in there.

Oh dear Lord I just turned into my mother! My mother has the chest that I wanted, and I asked her one time if she even knew what was in the chest. She said that she knew some of the stuff, including the dead relatives, but most of it she has no idea about. There are family pictures in there, and we don't know who they are! No one ever took the time to pass along all this information.

Here I am with my own chest. It is full of memories and if I don't start telling my children about this stuff then they will never know. I have a note in there that my father wrote to me when I left for Europe. Before I left I told my dad to step off and that I hated him. Then when I landed I called him and told him that I hated him and that I was never coming back. I then went and unpacked my bags and I found a note from dad saying that he hopes we can have a wonderful relationship when I get back. There was also $800 in there.

I need to tell my children these things. I also need to clear out the junk. Today I went into the chest and grabbed out two photo albums. I started flipping through the pages and I realized that what I once thought was valuable is now trash. Why do I have pictures of people I will never see again, or of people that I did not even like back then. I took out some of the photos, and threw the rest away.

Its funny. When I got that chest and I started putting stuff in it I thought that was the most important stuff. Now I am looking at it and discovering that it is not important and that is important is right here in this house right now.

On another note. Rusty got his dream job! I am so proud of him. We are still waiting to see what is going to happen with the house.