Thursday, April 30, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Friday, April 24, 2009
Lynn, you are right. I need to change something, but what. I have thought about going back to work. I even called my old boss today, but he does not have any work right now.
I also need to have Nikki get her drivers licence, so she can start driving herself around. I need to find a back up sitter for Ryan, so if I am working and the girls aren't here, someone will be here with Ryan.
Today I am going to wake all the boys up and have them get this house cleaned up. I have a blanket to finish, and not to much else to do. I would like to go to the lake, but right now it is overcast, and my girls are still burnt. O.K. they are not burnt any more, the blisters have popped and now they are starting to heal. I just need to make sure that I keep them covered.
Rusty and still are not talking. I guess we will figure everything out at some point. Yesterday Rusty asked me to go with him to a dinner that he has to go to tonight. I never did give him an answer. I really don't want to go. Part of me says I should go because it would be the polite, correct, or nice thing to do. I just don't know that I really want to go. We will see how my day goes.
I guess I could go get dressed and start my day, but I am wondering if anyone would notice if I just lived in my jammies?
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Tonight just sucked. Rusty and I were going to go see Kenny Rogers tonight, but when we got to the box office they were sold out. I love Kenny Rogers. Every year my dad would take me to a Kenny Rogers concert. I just love Kenny Rogers. Tonight I did the hair and the make up, and I even put on my dads watch. I thought I would take a little piece of my dad with me.
Nope. No concert for me. I did however get the worst meal I had ever eaten. My heart was just crushed. We have known about this concert for over a month. I could kick myself for not booking the tickets sooner. To be honest I was hoping Rusty would do it for me. You know a little surprise that said "Hey I am thinking of you". Then when Rusty brought it up yesterday, I was a little excited.
How silly am I. Silly me thought that I would have a good time without my children. Silly me. I know better then to dream and have hopes.
So here I sit tonight. Drinking. I told Rusty that maybe my grandmothers, my father and my sister may have had it right. Drink, and then you can't feel any pain. I think they are right. Right now I can feel anything.
I said a lot of other things to Rusty. It mad him mad and he went for a walk. I wish he would have talked to me, but he didn't. I guess that is what happens when you speak from your heart.... you make people mad at you.
Note to self: never tell anyone how you really feel because it will only hurt them.
I hope that my girls realize that the world is their oyster. I hope that they do not settle down and become mom's. I hope that they live their life on the edge, doing everything that they want. I can't say that to my children, but I so want to.
I am so disgusted with my life. I hate it. I am a wife, a mom, and a short order cook. That is all that I am. Nothing more and nothing less. I live a life that will never be written about. I live a life in these four walls. It is very unfulfilled and very stagnant.
I would love to run away and go live with the lions in Africa. I would love to go Ireland and see where my grand parents are from. These are just dreams, and we all know that dreams don't come true. I would love to click my heals and to be able to go someplace fabulous, but I live in the real world.
Here in the real world I can't run away and hide from anything. I am stuck facing everything head on. Even if I don't want to.
I feel as if I have a heavy cloth of sadness hanging on me. I just can't get out from under it. Maybe this is me losing yet another part of me. I stopped dreaming big, but I was hoping for this small thing to happen, and yet it never did. So, maybe this is me mourning the lose of hope for the little things.
If you lose hope what do you have left?
I am so sick of giving to other people. I sick of people asking me to do things, and I do it, but they can't do the simple things for me. People often just push me to the side. I feel as if they are saying "Oh, it is just Kelli. She is so easy going, she won't mind if I blow her off."
Note to self: don't ask people to do anything for you. Then you won't be disappointed when they let you down.
A few weeks ago I told Rusty that I wanted to put a bullet in my head. He did not take me seriously. At that moment in time I really did want to do it. I sometimes think that my husband and children would be better off without me. Lets face it. All I do is cook, clean, and sew. They can hire someone to do that for them. Don't worry, I am not going to kill myself. I am just wondering what's the point? Is there a point to life?
Maybe my world will look brighter in the morning. Right now it looks o.k. If I had not drank all the wine coolers maybe it would look better.
Nikki had an o.k. birthday. Nikki Chris and Amber were headed up to Disney since Nikki got in free on her birthday. However Chris and Amber had tickets that some marines had given them. The people at Disney would not let them in the gate because those tickets were suppose to be used by the military and none of them had an i.d. card.
Rusty and I got Nikki a new digital camera for her birthday and she really liked that. So now both of the girls have their own camera and I won't have to listen to them fight over one camera.
Most of the marines came up to say Happy Birthday to Nikki and they spoiled her, but I guess that is what big brothers are for.
Yesterday was also earth day. I always want to go out and do something for earth day, but I feel that I should be at home with Nikki. I did however make it a green day for all of us, and I think that is what important.
I don't have to much to do today. The laundry is started, and the kitchen is cleaned up. Rusty took the day off work because he has to go to a funeral. Rusty did not ask me to go with him, so I did not volunteer. I can't stand to hear the sound of the 21 gun salute.
Yesterday I chewed out these two girls. One of the marines is seeing one of the girls and the other girl is Chris's sister. They just walked into the house and went straight up to Nikki's room. I just stood there looking at them. I could not believe what I just saw. I finally went up there and I found them covering Nikki's room in streamers and balloons. I asked what they were doing, and they said "Well we thought it would be fun to decorate Nikki's room". I very calmly said "What you are doing is making a mess that she has to clean up tomorrow. If you wanted to do something nice for her then why not clean her bathroom? By the way I find it very disrespectful that you think you can just walk in here and do whatever you want." The girls just looked at me and said "sorry." I said "Sorry does not cut it." and then I just walked away.
I am at my breaking point with people. There are a few marines that I am going to tell not to come back, and I hope I never see these girls again. I am sick of being the kind person.
The first load of laundry is done, so I better go get it hung up to dry.
Monday, April 20, 2009
When you live near a lake it is a given that you are going to be spending a lot of time there, and that is what we did this weekend!
Last weekend a guy was walking his pit on the beach and he approached us and asked if our dogs minded other dogs. We said no, so he let his dog go. Our dogs swam and played catch for a few hours. The dogs so love to be out there in the water. I was really impressed with how well his dog was trained, and it made me realize that I have a lot more training to do with my dog. This guy showed up Saturday and Sunday as well. It is so nice to see these dogs just out there playing and having a good time. I love meeting fellow dog lovers.
After this guy and his dog left, another couple approached us and asked if our dog played well with others. I said yes, and kept throwing the ball. So this couple lets their dog go, and he attacks our dog! I must say that I am very proud of our dog, because he grabbed that other dog and shoved his head under water. LOL I know I should not laugh, but hey it was funny. This couple did apologize, and they said that their dog was not very socialized. I strongly suggested that they teach him how be social before they take him to a public beach. People!
A new marine showed up at our house this weekend. His name is John and he is from Alaska. It was so much fun talking to him, and getting to know him. John said that he has only been in Cali for 9 months and he is not sure if he likes it or not. So I said "You pick a Saturday and we will go out. I will take you to places that will blow your mind, and all it will cost us is lunch and gas money." He said it was a deal. I can't wait to show this kid around.
My girls got a little to much sun this weekend, so I will need to keep them covered. I have some stuff that I need to get done around here. I have a ton of boxes that I need to go through and get them out for someone else to use. I also have a ton of laundry to get done, so I guess that will be my excuse to stay out of the sun for a few day's.
I have gone around and gathered up all of our old computer parts. Our local outlet mall is having a computer recycling day, in honor of earth day, so this is perfect for me! I won't have to pay to take them down to the recycling center, and I will be doing a little something for the environment. I really want to check and see what other earth day events are going on around here.
Our daughter Nikki was born on earth day, and she is finally getting into earth day. For a very long time she never wanted to celebrate earth day because it was her birthday. This year she is thinking that she wants to go plant a tree! I love this child.
I am off to start my day.
Friday, April 17, 2009
There has been nothing exceptional about week. No new green things to do or try. I took all my bags with me, and I have planned on making my own laundry soap this weekend.
I did take a quilt up to a marine. His quilt is green. I made it with fabric that someone gave me, and I used the bamboo batting. I even used a flannel sheet to back it with.
So what do you write about when your life has been eco dull? Nothing.
Then one of the marines called me and said “Mom I bought you a bear. I saw it and it made me think of you, so I bought it for you!” Am I that scary first thing in the morning that you see a bear and think of me? She goes on “Mom this bear is so cute and soft and best of all it is made from recycled plastic! Mom this thing is so cool.” O.K. now I am interested!
Stuffed animals made out of plastic bottles? How cool is that? So this morning I got on line and started looking for these animals. Sure enough there is a place that makes stuffed animals from plastic bottles.
Now I am not a stuffed animal person, and my children are way past that stage, but I had to book mark the page because I thought these little guy’s would make a perfect baby gift! This company even has a line of bears for graduation.
Thu, Mar 5, 2009
Everything Baby, Playing
They aren’t available just yet, but Mary Meyer’s new Fuzz That Wuzz! collection is worth waiting for. Not only are these stuffed animals a cute additon to any child’s room, but they’re also easy on the environment. The outer fabric and the stuffing are both high-quality polyester fiber made from 100% recycled plastic PET bottles. Each toy — from Antlerzzz Moose to the Big Pawzz Bear — will keep 10 plastic bottles out of landfills. As the website acknowledges, it’s not enough, but it’s certainly a start.
Look for the Fuzz That Wuzz! collection this Spring. Till then, have a close-up look at all of the animals here.eco baby, fuzz that wuzz, recycled toys
Then that link took me to an ad for another link. Organic shoes. What? They make organic shoes that are stylish and won’t fall apart the first time you wear them? To top it all off they are reasonably priced and they are from Payless!
If you have been around my blog for a while you know that I am a cheap person so seeing the ad for these shoes was awesome!
The Zoe & Zac products are green because they are made from eco-friendly components and materials such as organic cottons and linen, natural hemp, recycled rubber outsoles, eco-friendly-EVA cushioning, and water-based glues for the shoes. Natural materials like dyed Tagua and Acai nuts are incorporated into the jewelry. The product packaging is eco-smart as well, utilizing 100 percent recycled shoe boxes and soy-based inks for the printing.
In celebration of the launch, Payless will also be participating in The Nature Conservancy’s Plant a Billion Trees campaign. The company will donate $1 — the cost to plant one tree — for every Zoe & Zac green brand item sold through May 4 and on every Payless exclusive reusable shopping bag sold throughout the year. The Nature Conservancy hopes this effort helps them reach their goal to plant 1 billion trees by 2015 to help rebuild the Atlantic Forest in Brazil.
So in my week of nothing new I have learned of two new products that are good for the earth and my pocketbook. These are two very simple things that we can all do and it will make a huge impact on the environment. Remember that we vote with our wallets, so make sure to buy only earth friendly products when you can.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
On Friday we got a box from my mom and she told me to not let the children open it until Easter. Rusty asked me what was in the box and I said " I have no idea. It is my mom's futile way of trying to buy us."
So on Easter morning I let the children open it. It was a wii. A wii. The children looked at it and went back to whatever they were doing. One of the marines looked at me and said "I guess you were right."
Most children would be happy with a wii. For my children it was more like... i don't know. Around Christmas time I told my mom to not buy my children a wii. I knew that they would not play with it. Then the girls got wind that my mom bought hell child one. This whole mess is not about the damn wii. It is about being treated as an equal.
The marines ended up playing with the wii! LOL
Yesterday we all went down to the lake, We even took the dog's. I have not taken them down to the lake in a very long time. Our dog Butter did not do that good at the lake the last time we took him, but yesterday he did great! He swam and played catch for almost two hours! Even ignored all of the other dogs that were on the beach. I guess age and training have really paid off for him. By the time we got home, the dogs just fell over. What? Our dogs are out of energy? That is a first.
I managed to get four pet quilts completely done, but I have more to do. Then on Thursday we are heading up to 29 Palms to deliver 3 more quilts. My little fingers are being worked to the bones, but I would not have it any other way.
Rusty informed me yesterday that he had to go to 29 Palms for another sale. I am getting so use to these trips that it does not even bother me any more. Let's face it. That means I don't have to cook meat, and I get the remote to myself! What more could a girl ask for?
Over the weekend two of the marines gave me tickets to Disney. So here I am with two Disney tickets. So I was thinking about who would use them. I was going to try to get three more tickets. That way Amber and Leeroy, Nikki and Chris, and then Ryan could go. I thought this way the girls could split the day one each of them would only have Ryan for half a day.
Nikki was then checking into the whole get in free on your birthday thing when I mentioned my idea to her. Nikki just looked at me and said "If we go up there for my birthday I am not taking Ryan."
I just walked away. I was kinda hurt by that statement, but the other side of me was not. It is not the girls responsibility to take Ryan to Disney. It is mine and Rusty's. I wanted the girls to take him because I know that he will have more fun with the girls then with Rusty and I. Rusty and I can't ride any of the rides so........
I guess I will just wait and see how this whole things play out.
I am hoping for some sun today. I would really like to be able to catch some more ray's.
Friday, April 10, 2009
I hate laundry. I do more laundry then any one person has a right to do. The sad thing is I have the big duet washer and dryer, so you might think that would cut down on the amount of laundry that I do. Wrong.
There are five of us living here. That means five outfits a day. I do make everyone wear their jeans twice. We also have six beds and seven sets of bedding. Hubby and I may now be sleeping in one bed but we have separate covers. I have twelve throw rugs that I have to wash every week, and that is if they make it to rug changing day. Then all of our furniture is covered with sheets. So that is an extra four sheets a week, if they don’t get dirty before the week is up. If I have a litter of kittens they use enough bedding to make another load of laundry every day.
None of this includes the laundry that the marines bring over and that they so kindly stack in the laundry room.
I go to the store and I buy laundry soap in bulk, I prefer the liquid, so I look for the biggest and cheapest thing I can find. The cheap stuff is now getting expensive! For a women who runs her machines none stop I had to find something to help cut back on the amount I was spending on laundry soap.
I also don’t like traditional laundry soap’s because most of them are petroleum based. I really don’t need oil to wash my clothes in. The all natural products are much more expensive, so I don’t buy them as often as I should.
Then my girlfriend mentioned that she made her own laundry soap. So I asked her to send me the directions. It looked really easy! O.K. this is cheaper than buying laundry soap and it is a heck of a lot more natural.
So I started investigating. I was holding my breath as I showed Rusty the videos. I was not sure how my uneco husband would react to this. He said this looks easy, more natural then what we are using and if it saves us some money then let’s goes for it.
Off to wal mart I go. I found the borax and the zote, no problem. I could not find the washing soda anywhere! So, I investigated a little more. Washing soda is sodium carbonate, and you can buy that at a pool supply shop or at wal mart.
Now I had to ask Rusty if he thought we could use this in the dish washer. The soap has no suds and it is natural, so Rusty said to give it a shot. Note: I think my dish washer gets just as much use as my washing machine, but that is another blog.
I think that making the homemade is going to be a great solution for me. I can make it in bulk, pay less, it is a heck of a lot more natural, and most of all I won’t have to purchase any more plastic jugs!
Let’s not forget that we all need to wash our clothes in cold water. The biggest expense in washing clothes is heating the water! If everyone would just wash an extra load on cold it would save so much energy.
Please check out all the following links. I have a few videos on how to make laundry soap and with a few different ingredients and there is also a video on how to make powdered laundry soap.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
For most of my parenting years I have been very liberal, very open minded, and very closed mouth on some subjects.
I have been criticized for not making my children go to school, not giving them a curfew, letting boyfriends spend the night, and the list is endless. I have very different views on parenting then what people consider right and acceptable.
I talk with my children about everything. I don't know why I just do. So yesterday when Amber posted an abortion video on face book it took me a while to process.
Abortion is not something that Amber and I really talked about. I do know that Nikki is against it, but I never really knew where Amber stood on the subject. I now know. To me it is more then just her reaction to the video it was also a sign that my daughter has learned compassion.
How do you teach that? Did you tell them to look the word up and hope that the definition will explain it? Do you spend hours trying to give examples in hope's that your children will finally get what you are talking about?
I never really knew I was teaching compassion all these years, but Amber must have been watching me. She has watched me feed the homeless, hug children that other people would not touch, bottle feed cat's, sew for the shelters.... the list goes on. Did I succeed in teaching compassion by my actions? Do all of my actions speak louder then words?
In this case I have. I have taught compassion by doing the right thing and taking my children along for the ride. I guess I did not mess them up to much.
Monday, April 6, 2009
I so do not want to sew any more quilts for the marines. It has just gotten way out of hand, but I have a feeling I will keep doing it. The quilt I need to finish is for a marine that is leaving in just a few weeks. This marine holds a special place in Ambers heart. Amber and Nikki both knew this marine when he was very young. I even have pictures of him with the girls when they were about 8,7, and 6. Life is strange and everything comes full circle.
I laughed my bum off when Amber said "mom you are not going to believe this, but John is a marine and is not stationed out at 29 palms." Then one weekend when John came up here we had to bust out the old pictures of him. Amber reminded him how much he use to pick on the girls. The girls are no longer girls but young ladies and I wonder if he ever could have seen his life coming back to meet up with our lives.
So I am going to sew my bum off, and then make a special trip to 29 palms just to deliver this quilt. I am going to go make a memory.
One of my foster kittens is here visiting me. It is so neat to see him growing up. He is still playful and just as handsome as ever. I am going to have to love on him a lot today before his momma comes and gets him.
My coffee pot took a crap this morning. Rusty told me to go buy a new one, not a used one. Whatever. He should just be happy that I am not busting out my Pyrex peculator that goes on the stove! I love that peculator, but Rusty say's that I need to get with the times. He so does not understand my fetish with old dishes. The old stuff just works better.
My ear still hurts, but it is not that bad. I am still using the wax drops and I am flushing the ear, and then conning. Yesterday I pulled a HUGE ball of wax out. I want to know how the doctor defines small. He said I had a small ball of wax impacted in my ear. Really? Small? I wish that ball of wax had been small! I can't wait to hear out of my ear again!
Well I should get moving. Everyone is on spring break this week. So I would like to get some stuff done and then maybe go have a beach day.