Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
We waited for Amber to get home and then we took her car. It was a good thing we waited to go up to 29 palms. If we had left when we originally wanted to we would have been driving through the eye of a massive storm. It was also good that we waited because we got to have a snowball fight in the desert. Now how many people can say that?
Yesterday Chris decided that he was going to drain my gas tank. UMMM O.K. so he gets busy and he comes in and asks me if we had anything he could dump the diesel into. No I am trying to think without sounding like I am stupid. I guess a gas can is to big to fir under the car.
So I go out to the garage and I take a look around. I called Rusty and I said " I have a stupid question for you. Will diesel melt plastic?" Rusty just said "Well I don't know but you can try it and if the plastic tub melts then you know it does."
So Chris gets all of that done, and he says that he is going to walk up to the gas station and get more gas. I got dressed and walked him. It was not a bad walk, maybe two miles of so. We also had to get a new fuel filter, so it was a good thing that there was an auto zone across the street from the gas station.
It was nice to just walk and talk to Chris. He thought it sucked that we could not drive there, but I told him that it did not bother me, because I use to walk everywhere. We were a one car family until about 8 years ago.
Chris finally got everything back on the car and he showed me the old fuel filter, and man it was gross. It was a good thing we went and changed it. The more I think about it the more I realize that the diesel being in by accident was a very good thing for us.
You know what else is kinda funny? Rusty and I. When I called Rusty to tell him that I was leaving for 29 palms he said "O.K. baby. Be safe and stay on the main roads." I actually listened to Rusty. Sometimes I don't always do that, but this time I did and it was a good thing I did, because I later found out that the back roads were all flooded out.
The other day Ryan came walking and he looked like something off the nerds movie. I just shook my head. Two months ago Amber and I cleaned out Ryan's clothes and now he has grown again! I swear I can't keep up with him. Think Kelli think. So I called one of girlfriends son's and asked him for all his "old" stuff. He brought over some really nice stuff for Ryan. The thing with Ryan is, is he is just so damn skinny! So is my girlfriends son, so he hooked Ryan up and showed him how to cover up the fact that his jeans bag, even with a belt on. So I guess it all worked out in the long run.
Today I am trying to air the house out and get some laundry done, because we are suppose to get another massive storm moving in tonight. I don't mind the storms as long as I don't have to go out in them. I think tomorrow will be a good day to just hunker down and do some sewing.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Yesterday I called my mom and we talked for a while. We talked about a lot of our issues. I still do not agree with my mother that she should be raising children again, but my mom said something that really struck a cord with me. She said "If you had died I would have raised your children, but you are lucky enough to have a man that loves your children and would take care of them, and I would not have to raise them."
Last night I was telling Rusty that I spoke with my mom, and reminded him of something that he had said to me. Rusty once said "if you die I would not let your mother take the girls from me. I would fight for them." Then I told him all about my mom's and mine conversation. A light bulb went on.
My children may have been the cast off. My children may not be the chosen children. However my children have something that the chosen child does not have. My children have two parents that are alive and love them more then anything. What price tag do you put on that?
I am still not in the mood to celebrate Thanksgiving, but in my true fashion I am going to put a spread on the table. I will sit next to my husband and I will listen to all the laughter. Life goes on.
One of the marines will not be coming to dinner. She is not in the mood, and I so understand that. So, On either Friday or Saturday I am going to drive down to the base and get her. Then I am going to surprise her with a picnic on the beach. I bought some sparkling cider, and I am going to take down some cheese and cracker's, and some grapes. I even going to take down wine glasses and china. We are going to sit on the beach and spend some time on our terms.
The marine does not know any of this, but I think it will be good for both of us. I need to stop sinking in self pity and go do something for someone else.
Life is good.
Monday, November 23, 2009
I was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner, cleaning out the fridge, and listening to a cat scream, when it all hit me. Thanksgiving is in two days. I just grab a flat of eggs on put them on to boil.
I am standing there watching everything cook and I just could not figure out why I dread this Thanksgiving.
Could it be because I said I did not want to do it and yet here I am cooking a turkey, boiling eggs, and thinking that I still need to go to the store and buy stuff so Amber can make the pies.
Could it be because I have had problems in my personnel life. I laid my sister to rest. I watched mymother pull a 12 year old off her mothers coffin. Could it be that everything surrounding my sisters death has made mine and my mom relationship even harder?
Could it be that in one of fits of rage I threw my phone at Rusty and yelled "You are so lucky to have both of your parents dead and you have a brother that you have not seen 16 years". I know I hurt Rusty that day, and yet he just grabbed me and gave me a hug.
Could it be that most of my boys are fighting a war that I do not agree with. Could it be because one of the boys won't be bringing his baby to dinner. I guess that is a little hard for him considering he is in the middle east.
Could it be that I am looking at the cost of college going up? I can't believe how much I am going to be paying out right before Christmas. I swore that no matter what I would provide my children with a college education. I can hear rusty right now. He is my mind saying "you need to ask your mom for your inheritance". I will pay for my children's education even if it means me going back to work with a drug dealer. I just need to remember to not drink the coffee.
Could it be that I found out that a couple will be coming to dinner.... and I did not invite them, nor do I want them here. There is not much I can do about that now. But I would love to just lay into this couple and give them a good what for, but I don't think making a scene is the way to go either.
Lets just hope that I can remember all the things I have to be thankful for. Right now I do not see that happening.
I just want this whole holiday to go away. Why can't I just go sit on the beach and watch the sun go down? Maybe I would even roll a big fat one. To me that would be a perfect day.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Over the last few week's while my life was turning upside down, I really tried to focus on other things. One of the things that caught my eye was a show called the 100 mile challenge.
This show was on planet green and some people from a town in British Columbia could only eat food with in a 100 miles of their home, and they had to do this for 100 day's. Rusty and I talked about and we said that if we had to we could do. We are very blessed to live in southern California where we have a lot of food that is local.
So now I am looking forward to the new year and I am trying to think of another way to challenge myself. Could the 100 mile challenge really fly in this house? Well..... it could if I did it a little bit at a time. Rusty has to have his meat and he does not hunt any more, so I know our meat would not be local, but what about the rest of the meal? This is something I could do say once or twice a week and my husband would not complain.
So I thinking that once or twice a week I will do only local meals with the exception of our Meat. Now this also translate into one or two lunches a week that will fit into my 100 mile challenge.
As I sit here and look back over the last year I have reached my goals. I made all my blankets, and my no spending diet went great. I have learned a lot from both of the goals that I set for myself.
From the blankets I learned that I have to schedule in the time to make these works of art and I had to keep my eye on the goal. Twelve blankets for the shut in's. I can't wait to deliver all these quilts!
From the no spending diet I have learned just how much I can live without and how much I do have. I must say that I have gotten creative with some of my meals, and I have caught myself telling the girls to use what they have on hand. My mind has been stretched and wallet remained closed.
I am sure that at some point my children have learned something from watching me, and I hope they carry that with them.
Today I feel like crap. My ear is killing me. I know it is not infected, I know that it is just all this crazy weather we are having. As usual life and time march on even if I don't feel good. I did manage to get the house cleaned up, make dinner and tackle the pile of paper work that has been sitting on the desk.
I think the most important thing I did was chat with one of my boys. I always love hearing from them.
Well I hear the bed calling me, so I better get to it. Tomorrow is another day, and I am sure that it will be filled with all the usual and then some.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
In the past few weeks my world has been turned upside down. In the past two weeks I have shipped 7 boys off to war. A war that I do not agree with. A war that will forever change them. They may have left as men but I know they will come back as men. I know that my boy's are cold, missing their families and most of all a new reality is being forced upon them.
For me I am taking it one day at a time. Sometimes I am taking it one moment at a time. When I want to cry because I am missing my boys, I go cry on Rusty's shoulder, I remember the good times, and I tell myself that they are o.k. Even if I do not know if they are o.k.
Before Ben left we went over to see Deb and Popi. I know Ben. He was going to want to sit and speak Spanish, he was going to want that little comfort. We spent several hours with Deb and Popi, and before we left Deb and Popi wanted to pray over Ben. I told ben to call his mom and put it on speaker phone so his mom could hear us praying. Popi and Bens mom spoke for a while. I have no idea what was said because I do not speak Spanish. Then Popi prayed in Spanish, and when he was done Bens mom prayed over him. I did not understand what was being said, but I know that I felt the holy spirit move. Then Bens mom started crying. I said that I did not mean for her to cry. I just wanted Bens mom to be apart this. Deb assured me that she was crying happy tears. This lady was just so thankful that people were praying over her son.
Rusty and I had an anniversary. We went to the Birch aquarium, and then out to lunch. I gave Rusty a bottle gentlemen Jack and one of the kittens. Rusty does not know why, but he fell in love with this all black long haired kitten, so I am letting him keep him.
The kitten is in getting fixed today, and Rusty's day is crazy so I am going to go down to base pick up this kitten. I told Rusty that I would go in the morning, but he really wants his cat home tonight. Is Rusty a grown man or a child?
I had to go back to Ryan's school and raise some hell today. I swear that Ryans teacher is brain dead.
At Christmas we always let the children pick out their own ornaments. Every year since the children were born they had gotten a new ornament, and we now have to many to hang on one tree, so they have to choose. However that would leave Chris out of the loop. So while we at the aquarium I saw the huge glass sea horse ornament. It was perfect. Chris is a beach and ocean person just like me.
When we got home I pulled Chris aside and told him that I did not want him to feel left out, so..... and I handed him the ordnament. He about cried.
Well I need to get on the road. Rusty's kitten is waiting on me.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
I have three babies in still. They are here to gain weight, and since one of them is black he can't be adopted out until November. For the record yes I am counting my black cats. So far they are all here, so that is a good thing.
Rusty actually really likes one of the fosters. Rusty tries very hard to not get attached to the cats, but this one has won his heart, so I am thinking about giving it to Rusty for our anniversary. Rusty even named this cat.... his name is Bradley.
Amber is still looking for a job. She did get the job as a go go dancer, and she did for a few nights, but Rusty said it was very fishy, so Amber has not been back. Will she ever find a job? I swear there are no jobs here in California.
I have recently started speaking to my mother but only on topics that do not cause an argument. I guess that is something. At least we are doing that.
For now I am done with all the quilts for the marines. I do need to make a few for the two guys that are leaving in the spring, but they can wait. Right now I am working on some quilts for the shelter, and a quilt for one of Nikkis friends.
I have also been thinking about who I am going to adopt next year. Last year I made quilts for the veterans home, and this year I made lap quilts for the shut ins. It is very heavy on my heart that I need to make baby quilts. So I talked with a fellow j lander and she is going to see if her church could use them. This is a big jump for me because I don't usually make baby blankets unless I know I am going to need them, but my heart is telling me to make baby blankets.
I must say that summer is over and I am so sad to have to put my flip flops away. I need to learn to enjoy the cooler weather, but as of yet I have not. I guess growing up right out side of Chicago has made me not want any cooler weather.
Well I need to go to the store and get busy. Life is calling me, so I need to get to it.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
* Amber said that she was going to go apply for a job as a go go dancer. I told her to go for it. She walks around here in shorts and shakes her bum, she might as well get paid for it.
* I got three new kittens in. They are here just until after Halloween. One of them is black and they won't adopt out black cats around Halloween. Rusty has fallen in love with this cat and has renamed him bradly.
* Speaking of cats, I have mice. How in the world does a women with four cats and three foster cats have mice? I don't get it, but the cats are slowly killing them. Which is a good thing.
* I think I broke my sewing machine yesterday. I was sewing on some upholstery material when it started acting up. I know better then to sew heavy stuff on my machine, but I did it anyway. I will have to look at it this morning and see if I cant figure something out. I have a quilt that I need to finish damn it.
* Rusty and I went to the ball and we had a good time. I did fit into that little red dress, but I think it will be the last time I wear it. It is starting to fray. I must say that I did look good.
* I got my hair trimmed the day of the ball. She only took off an inch, but it felt like more. So now it is two inches above my bum. The poor lady and to get on her knees to cut and straighten my hair. I offered to stand up, but she said no.
* One of the marines is in hot water and she goes on trial tomorrow. The chips will fall where they may.
*time to get busy and get some stuff done.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
This trip has been awesome, and I am so glad that I made this trip! Everyday Rusty has kissed me and thanked me for coming with him. These sales are a big job and he truly appreciates the help that I give him. Spending time with the love of my life and knowing that my simple act of helping, means so much to him, is just another way for me to show Rusty how much I love him.
Tonight Rusty and I were driving around and I must say that I think Yuma is beautiful. Rusty use to come here when he was a boy and he has nothing but fond memories, and he loved showing me around.
There is something magical about a desert community. I love the desert, the Spanish influence and the sunsets here can take your breath away. I would be happy to live here.
While Rusty and I were driving around something very strange hit me. I remember my mom saying that she hated Yuma and that it was a hell hole. Yet, here I am loving this little town.
This past year has been very hard on mine and my mothers relationship. My mother has even cancelled her tickets, so she won't be coming out for Christmas.
You know, everyone has a right to be happy and to live their lives. That is what I am going to continue to do. I will not allow her to suck the life out of me, I will not allow her to say negative things, and most of all I will not be forced to have a relationship with someone that I have no desire to have a relationship with.
This is my life. I choose happiness and love. Tomorrow we will leave Yuma and go back home, and then it is back to my life.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
Yesterday Chris and I went back to Dana Point and played on the beach. I swore that I was not going to get wet, but that lasted all of 10 minutes before the waves called me in. Then we hit a few other beaches. I can't believe that we spent close to eight hours just playing on the beach.
By the time I got home last night my feet hurt. Note to self: buy some water shoes. I am just so happy to be getting out of the house more and doing what I love to do.
Yesterday my mom and I got into it about her coming out. I finally laid down the law about gcc and she was not happy. She also was not happy that I was not going to cook Christmas dinner and that I wanted to go surfing instead. Whatever you said you wanted to take the children to Disney, so if I want to go surf then I will.
This morning Amber confronted me and asked me if they were coming out. I said yes. Amber is so not happy. She said she does not mind if my mother comes out, but she does not to be around gcc. I guess Amber and gcc got into it a lot while Amber was out there this summer. HMMMM told you so. Amber said that she did not want to go to Disney.
I guess my mom does not get it. We live here, so we really don't care about all the tourist stuff. Oh well that is life.
I could not sleep last night, so I was up until about 2 a.m. which meant I did not get up until 10 this morning. It felt good to get some sleep, but I thought I would be way behind on my house work. I got most of it done and dinner is in the crock pot, so I must have kicked ass. Now the question is what should I do now?
It is kinda overcast today and rather cool for southern California. While it is nice I am so not ready for summer to be over. Maybe I will go swimming anyway. Who knows.
Life is good.