Yesterday I called my mom and we talked for a while. We talked about a lot of our issues. I still do not agree with my mother that she should be raising children again, but my mom said something that really struck a cord with me. She said "If you had died I would have raised your children, but you are lucky enough to have a man that loves your children and would take care of them, and I would not have to raise them."
Last night I was telling Rusty that I spoke with my mom, and reminded him of something that he had said to me. Rusty once said "if you die I would not let your mother take the girls from me. I would fight for them." Then I told him all about my mom's and mine conversation. A light bulb went on.
My children may have been the cast off. My children may not be the chosen children. However my children have something that the chosen child does not have. My children have two parents that are alive and love them more then anything. What price tag do you put on that?
I am still not in the mood to celebrate Thanksgiving, but in my true fashion I am going to put a spread on the table. I will sit next to my husband and I will listen to all the laughter. Life goes on.
One of the marines will not be coming to dinner. She is not in the mood, and I so understand that. So, On either Friday or Saturday I am going to drive down to the base and get her. Then I am going to surprise her with a picnic on the beach. I bought some sparkling cider, and I am going to take down some cheese and cracker's, and some grapes. I even going to take down wine glasses and china. We are going to sit on the beach and spend some time on our terms.
The marine does not know any of this, but I think it will be good for both of us. I need to stop sinking in self pity and go do something for someone else.
Life is good.