Well here it is. Another day and another opportunity to change my life. It is up to me weather or not I make good changes or bad changes.
Yesterday I called my mom and we talked for a while. We talked about a lot of our issues. I still do not agree with my mother that she should be raising children again, but my mom said something that really struck a cord with me. She said "If you had died I would have raised your children, but you are lucky enough to have a man that loves your children and would take care of them, and I would not have to raise them."
Last night I was telling Rusty that I spoke with my mom, and reminded him of something that he had said to me. Rusty once said "if you die I would not let your mother take the girls from me. I would fight for them." Then I told him all about my mom's and mine conversation. A light bulb went on.
My children may have been the cast off. My children may not be the chosen children. However my children have something that the chosen child does not have. My children have two parents that are alive and love them more then anything. What price tag do you put on that?
I am still not in the mood to celebrate Thanksgiving, but in my true fashion I am going to put a spread on the table. I will sit next to my husband and I will listen to all the laughter. Life goes on.
One of the marines will not be coming to dinner. She is not in the mood, and I so understand that. So, On either Friday or Saturday I am going to drive down to the base and get her. Then I am going to surprise her with a picnic on the beach. I bought some sparkling cider, and I am going to take down some cheese and cracker's, and some grapes. I even going to take down wine glasses and china. We are going to sit on the beach and spend some time on our terms.
The marine does not know any of this, but I think it will be good for both of us. I need to stop sinking in self pity and go do something for someone else.
Life is good.
5 comments:
Something happened here, a great white space. Maybe I can learn from this, but am glad you talked to your Mom and got a few things worked out. I know things don't improve a whole lot when the history of problems is very long, but you tried and that counts.
I really needed to read this post. I have been severely depressed for so long. I never ever thought I could've ever been so depressed that I could barely function. I have been reaching out for help and am taking antidepressants. I have been feeling guilty because I am not looking forward to Thanksgiving. I really want to follow your lead by reaching out to someone else and take my mind off of all of my problems. I think you are such an awesome person. I hope that you Thanksgiving brings you the surprise of bringing you some joy.
Sounds like a good plan.
Kelly, I hope you all have a wonderful day. Even though things are rough sometimes, we can all find much to be thankful for. Linda in Washington state
I think that is a wonderful idea you are doing, Kelli, to take that lady marine for a picnic on the beach! hoping the weather is "perfect" for you
that is soooo true with your thoughts about your children and your niece. Even though she may be "the chosen one" she deep down could be envious that her cousins still have a mother and father
I'm so with you about not being in the holiday mood but we'll get through it!
Happy Thanksgiving!!!
betty
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