why did they wake me up?

When I came out of surgery, well I felt good, I was sleeping good and I felt no pain. The the nurse started calling my name. I should have never answered them. I felt so good in that deep sleep.

I am awake. I have two deep holes in my chest. Yep, both breast have holes in them. Today I finally looked at my breast, and I just wanted to cry! I have never been a super model, but to look in the mirror and see two holes, just made me want to cry.

When I called Rusty up and told him that I was ready to have him pack my holes, well I just started crying. I told Rusty that i was so sorry that he had to look at these ugly holes every day.

I cant wear a bra. I wear ace bandages. Yep, we pack my holes, and then add more gauze's, and wrap my chest with an ace bandage. Yes, everyone it is just so sexy. The other day i was looking for something to wear and I pulled this shirt that I loved. I just shoved it back into the drawer and started crying. I cant ware that shirt because between that shirt and the ace bandage not only would I look like i have any boobs but the shirt would make my chest look more deformed.

The surgeon say that I am healing good. All my test came back as cancer. We were so happy about that, that we forgot to ask what exactly is going on. The cat scan shows a major infection and the surgeon said that I still have a long road a head of me. I have another appointment next week, and this time I will remember to ask the surgeon what the hell is going on. I would love to know how I got this infection.

I am still moving real slow. I still have no appetite, and I get worn out just by doing simple task. I am told that this will improve with time. I hope so.

What I have learned so far: That i must slow down. That my husband loves me no matter what. I have learned that I am not super women.