my chest.

I swear the last two weeks have been hell on me. First my tumors were bothering me and now I got a damn sinus infection. I guess it really isn't and infection since the stuff I am blowing out is not green. I have been using a lot of old wives tales and they really work. At one point I thought my teeth were going to pop out of my head, now I can open my mouth and kinda chew.

Anyway on to my chest. When I turned 16 I asked my dad for a ceder chest, and he bought it for me. I loved that thing, and I have toted it around the world. I really wanted my great grandmothers chest, but I was told no that I could not have it. My great grandmothers chest was huge. and there is just a treasure trove of stuff in there.

Well last weekend Nikki had her winter formal and she asked me if I had any gloves. You know "the old kind that the ladies wore. They would go up past the elbow." As a matter of fact I do. I went into the garage, and cleared off the top of my ceder chest, and attempted to open it.

I started digging. I found my first sleeping bag, some of the girls baby stuff, old photo albums, a note my dad wrote me, and then there they were the gloves. Nikki jumped for joy, but in the end she wore the little Jackie O style gloves.

After Nikki left I went back out to my chest, and I pulled out my sleeping bag. It has raggedy Ann and Andy on it. I folded it just right, and then I hung it next to Rusty's great grandmothers quilt. The marines and Rusty were just looking at me. I finally said "This is my first sleeping bag and I have a picture of my grandmother helping Santa fix it up right. I can either let it finish rotting in the chest or I can hang it up and get some joy out of it, and then throw it away."

Rusty just smiled and said "I have never seen that before". Yep I believe it. That chest has been a taboo place for anyone but me. Those are my memories and no one needs to be in there.

Oh dear Lord I just turned into my mother! My mother has the chest that I wanted, and I asked her one time if she even knew what was in the chest. She said that she knew some of the stuff, including the dead relatives, but most of it she has no idea about. There are family pictures in there, and we don't know who they are! No one ever took the time to pass along all this information.

Here I am with my own chest. It is full of memories and if I don't start telling my children about this stuff then they will never know. I have a note in there that my father wrote to me when I left for Europe. Before I left I told my dad to step off and that I hated him. Then when I landed I called him and told him that I hated him and that I was never coming back. I then went and unpacked my bags and I found a note from dad saying that he hopes we can have a wonderful relationship when I get back. There was also $800 in there.

I need to tell my children these things. I also need to clear out the junk. Today I went into the chest and grabbed out two photo albums. I started flipping through the pages and I realized that what I once thought was valuable is now trash. Why do I have pictures of people I will never see again, or of people that I did not even like back then. I took out some of the photos, and threw the rest away.

Its funny. When I got that chest and I started putting stuff in it I thought that was the most important stuff. Now I am looking at it and discovering that it is not important and that is important is right here in this house right now.

On another note. Rusty got his dream job! I am so proud of him. We are still waiting to see what is going to happen with the house.

a very calm Friday night.

Well, I made it through another week. I have been busy this week, but it seems that I have done earth shattering. Right now I am just enjoying the sound of nothing. Rusty is sitting next to me reading a book, and Ryan is watching t.v. Everyone else is gone for the night.

Tomorrow is the first weekend of fund raising. I am bracing myself for another long year of raising money for Nikki's mission trip. This year she is going to the Philippines. I can't wait for Nikki to go. I know that may sound strange, but I love the fact that my daughter has these opportunities. I am also glad that Rusty and I have learned to just roll with the punches.

Amber got an upsetting phone call today. One of her friends is in the hospital, and it looks like she may be delivering her baby almost 7 weeks early. Amber is trying to figure out what she can do, I told Amber to keep her bum at home. I swear Amber is going to hack up a lung, so she does not need to be around them. I did tell Amber that I would be willing to take over some dinners or do what ever. All she has to do is let me know what she needs.

I had a flash to when Amber was born. Amber was born early by a crash c section. I almost lost her. Man I so know this gals pain. I don't think Amber knows how scared I was. I was 19, alone, and I had no help. I was as scared as any person could get, but I somehow made it.

Ryan's IEP went well I guess. We have another one coming up in a few months. That is the one that really scares, because we will have to send Ryan to high school. The school system also says that he is not as retarded as then originally thought even if his score are very low. I just gave them the dear in the head lights look. I swear I should be allowed to smack those people.

On a good note Ryan principal walked up and handed me a piece of paper and told me to sign it. Now Ryans principal and I go way back, so I had to wonder what she was up to. I signed the paper and handed it back to her. The principal starting smiling and she got so excited. I finally asked what I just signed. She said "Special Olympics are coming to our area and you just signed Ryan up track and field!" I am so happy. Ryan was so thrilled, and he said that he is going to have to run the dogs more. I am just so happy that he finally found something that he likes doing.

I have been feeling bad the last few day's, so I have been spending my afternoons in la la land. I know that this will pass and soon I will be back to myself. I do not regret choosing not to have surgery. I do not regret the choice to heal my body with food and herbs. If I can keep all my body parts, and only be sick every once in a while, then I am going to do it.

I wrote a blog entry for reduce footprints, so if you want to go check it out, she is listed on my side bar. I announce in there that I have finally come up with a new challenge for myself. I heard a saying that said " If your grandmother would not recognize it, then you should not eat it." So this year I am giving up boxed cookies and cakes. I am going to get back to the basics and do more baking from scratch. The only scary thing is, I have never made a red velvet cake from scratch, so we will have to see how that turns out.

I learned a lot from my no spending diet, and it has changed me forever, so I will have to see how this whole baking from scratch thing goes. I know I will have to be more prepared and I will have to really make sure that we have staples at all times.

We the Chinese food I ate is not settling well, so I am going to go to bed. No sex tonight, but maybe my dog will let Rusty snuggle with me. Yes, my pit sleeps between us and is I am not feeling good he will not let anyone near me. Its like he knows something is wrong with me.

another day.

I have been busy trying to go through the house and do even more purging. The sad thing is there really is not alot left to purge. However I look around all the stuff we have and the thought of moving it just make me sick. I wish I could throw everything away and just take my pets.

We still have not heard weather or not the owner of our home is going to try to save it, so I need to assume that he silence is speaking volumes. Why us? We pay our rent, we don't complain about anything, and yet here we are again. One of my girlfriends said why can't this happen to the house full illegals? Good question.

I am still not stressed over the situation, I just don't want to move. I want to stay here and let Nikki finish out this year and next year. Once Nikki graduates high school I don't care if we move out of state or out of the country.

Tomorrow I have an IEP meeting. Oh the joy's. I don't know why I even go to these meetings. I fight so hard to do what is best for Ryan and the school just ignores his IEP and the teachers do whatever they want. If Rusty and I were rich then I would hire a lawyer and the school district to court, for breaking a contract. We don't have that kind of money and I think the district knows that, so that is why so many IEP's are not followed. Why is having a handi cap child so hard?

Rusty is working some long hours this week. I feel so bad for him. Rusty works so hard to provide for this family. We are still waiting to hear weather or not he got his job. On Sunday Rusty got a call saying that he needed to fill out more security paper work. I just can't believe how hard it is to get a top security clearance. It was not this hard when he was on active duty.

Well, I need to get moving. I do have the kitchen cleaned up and part of dinner is done, so at least that is something. OH and the sun is finally shining and I am thankful for that.

I am sitting in the house that love built.

Yep. That's him. That is my Rusty. Rusty is the man I was meant to marry and he is and always will be the love of my life.

Today was nothing special. Rusty and I went to the commissary. It is not something that Rusty enjoys, but he enjoys being with me. It was pointed out to me that Rusty and I are becoming that cute old couple that you always see.

Tonight Rusty grilled, and he made my favorite type of sausage. Then while I was finishing the mac n cheese he turned on the t.v. to the music station and they were playing some really good old school country.

I was just standing in the kitchen when a tear ran down my face. A song came on that reminded me of my dad. Who was there to catch that tear? Rusty just hugged me and he reminded me that he missed his dad as well. I guess that is something else we have in common. We both miss our dads.

Rusty is teaching Chris and his friends how to play poker. We have only been his parents for a little over a year, and here we are hanging out with his friends and teaching them how to play poker. One of Chris friends brought is guitar over he has been jamming out between hands.

Today we took my ever faithful Butter to petco and then to Starbucks. I am so amazed at how far he is coming. One day soon I will be able to go take the test to have him trained as a therapy dog. I am going to change peoples views of pit bulls.

If I could save time in a bottle I would save today. I am sitting in a house that was built on love, and that is filled with love and laughter.

a dog needs to run

Yesterday I actually got video of my bog,, Butter, sitting and the sofa and crying. He was sitting there looking out the window, and the wind was blowing his deflated basketball's around. This poor baby really needs to get out and run. He is getting cabin fever worse then any animal I know. Now don't get me wrong, he has been going out, but Ryan has not been able to run him.

Rusty is on his way home, and he said that everything went well with the top security stuff, so we find out one day next week if he gets the job. Oh pray that he does.

I want to strangle out Chrises recruiter. This guy made all the wanna be marines strip down to shorts and t shirts and go outside and pt for a few hours. Before Chris left I told him that if the weather was bad to just come home, but did he? NO. He said the recruiter told him that he had to stay. Well great. Now the boy is getting sick and he has no medical insurance. Am I allowed to smack the recruiter?

Last night I finished a quilt for one of the marines and I also got a baby blanket done. I do have to do the hand stitching on the baby blanket, but I am saving that so I can do it while I am watching tv. I only have one more quilt to get done before the marine deploys and then I will be all caught up. I started cutting material for another quilt in hopes that maybe I can get ahead of the game.

I am going to do as little as possible this weekend. We do have to go up to the commissary, but other then that I am going to do nothing. I was thinking that maybe if we got a break in the weather, that I might go down to the lake and pick up all the trash. I am sure the wind as deposited a lot of trash there. I would also like to maybe pull some big weeds that we have in the back yard. After all the ground is so we they should just come right up.

Well I better go fold all our laundry, and maybe curl up and just chill for a while. Since it is Friday, and I don't cook on Fridays, I am pretty much done for the day. No my family is not starving today, they can either heat up leftovers, or go buy something! LOL

rolling with the punches.

Well it has been raining a lot here. I am not going to complain because we do need the rain, and the rain has not caused us any damage. Also when I saw the storm system moving in I purposely left some things undone since I knew I would be stuck in the house.

However my dog, Butter is not liking this rain at all. He is use to going for a run every day, and being able to go play in his back yard. I did get some video of him playing in the streets while they were flooded. It was as if he said "Hey mom thanks for bringing the lake to me."

Yesterday Amber and I went to do some running around and when we got home I saw two notices taped to the door. Yep. That's right the owner is letting the go, or so we think. I grabbed the notices and immediately went over to the property managers office.

Now the thing about going in there, is that our friends own the property management place. They were just as shocked as we were, and they said that they were going to try to get to the bottom of this.

So now what? I am not sure if we have to move again or not. Rusty did not blow a head gasket, but he is not happy. I am just sitting back and waiting to see what happens.

Two years ago I would have lost my mind. Now the new me is showing through. I know that everything happens for a reason, and while we may not want to move I know that if we do have to move that it will be for the better. So who knows when or if we have to move.

Tomorrow Rusty has to go finish filling out his top security clearance paper work. Rusty use to have this clearance when he was on active duty and I don't remember it being this hard to get one. Oh well. We are one step closer to Rusty getting his dream job and that is what is really important. We are still holding our breath and hoping that nothing last minute comes up.

For some reason I got up way to early, so most of the house work is done already, and that leaves me with plenty of time to sew. I need to get two quilts put together and then I want to try this new technique that I saw on you tube.

Lets rewind here. Last year I was on a mission to find a way to reduce the cost of my quilting. I started using old blankets as batting, and the marines I like it so much better, because they are thinner and yet warmer.

So last week sometime Amber and I were at this new thrift store and I bought a ton of blankets. I brought them home and washed them up. Crap one of them was an old electric blanket. Oh well. I hung it up to dry and I thought well I can let the pets use them. I must have walked past this blanket a million times before something caught my eye. Their at the bottom of the blanket were the cords. I pulled on them. That was it. That very night I went and got a pair of wire cutters and I started pulling and cutting all the wires out of the blanket.

When it was all done I was amazed that people actually used these blankets. They don't look all that safe. And the little heating things, ..... oh no those did not look safe either. I picked up all the wire and those heating things and I walked up to Rusty and said "would you like me to sew these into your next quilt?" Rusty could not believe his eyes.

I went outside to smoke and to throw away those wires when Rusty followed me. He asked me why I took apart and electric blanket. So i explained to him what I was doing with those blankets. To my great surprise Rusty said "Well you know that all makes sense and that is recycling at its best."

Yes it is. The blankets I am using are polyester. Polyester is not a natural material, therefore it will never break down. Unlike the cotton and bamboo batting, which marines can seem to mess up in one deployment.

My friend made it through the funerals and I think the family is going to be o.k. It is kinda sad that the marine could not come home, but there is nothing we can do about that.

I better get my bum in gear and finish up a few things so I can go sew.

let it rain

Well it is raining here in the socal. We don't really get a lot of rain so when the rains do come it all just runs off. I would love to go to the lake and watch all the water flow into it, but the weather is just to bad. The wind is just whipping. It has already blown over my swing and I think we are going to loose a tree. This weather is suppose to last all week. So I am just hunkering down and riding the storms out.

Amber went to Vegas last week, well she was gone from Thursday to Sunday. She had a good time and she got to meet one of the guys I grew up with. This is the same guy that Nikki got to meet last summer. Amber was just so set on meeting him because Nikki and I spoke very highly of him. Amber is finally getting out of her box and trying new things and I am so proud of her for that.

Well, a few entries ago I talk about one of the marines mom's that called me. Well Sharon, the mom, called to tell us that the red cross massage was sent. I have not talked to the marine, but his mom says that he is holding up and that one of the marines Ssgt has taken him under his week.

Sharon called me today, and she just wanted to talk. I so understand that. Sometimes you just need to talk to people that are not involved in the situation. Sharon also said that all of the relatives are crawling out of the wood work, and trying to see what they can get. I so understand that one as well. I have to wonder why you go to a funeral and it turns into a family reunion.

I will be calling Sharon all week long, just so I can see how she is doing. The wake is tomorrow and then the funeral is Wednesday. I am just glad that I can be her rock and yet still make her laugh when she wants to cry.

I have a ton of house work planned for this week. I did that on purpose since I know I will be stuck inside all week. One of the major things I want to get done, is sort through my quilt tops and my material. I need to put them in separate crates, so it will be easier to see what I do and don't have.

Today I cooked dinner for the rest of the week. I know I am strange, but it just easier for me. Tonight we are having manwich and chicken Alfredo. I cooked up the meat for the chili and for the spaghetti. Then on spaghetti night I will make extra sauce for pizza night. I have found that if I take a little bit of extra time and cook and dice, and get stuff prepped, then cooking dinner goes much more smoothly. I will be using my crock pot a lot this week.

Well I need to go get in the shower before all the guys get home. I just hope that Rusty takes it slow. I am tempted to call Amber and see if she is o.k., but I can't. One of the marines picked Amber up and they went mudding, so I am just hoping they are o.k. Nikki and one of her girlfriends went to the movies, but the other girls mom drove, so I feel safe with that.

Man this weather is nasty.