enough being lazy

The last few days I have been just like this cat. Lazy. Oh sure I have done stuff around here, but I have not gotten dressed or even brushed my hair.

Today I am going to get dressed and go for a walk. Maybe that is why I can't sleep at night. Because I really have not done anything that would require me get rid of energy.

I love the show 18 kids and counting. The are very opposite of me and how I parent, but I have learned a lot from them. Last night I watched the episode where they volunteered at an animal park.

You know I use to take my children everywhere. I use to seek out new and exciting things for them to do. Over the last 3 or 4 years I have become lazy. It is a little bit harder now that the girls are older and they have their own lives, but I need to put forth the effort to really expose them to new things and new ways of thinking.

I also need to do this with the marines. We have not taken a field trip in a while. I love taking the marines on field trips. I do often get sick of seeing them just hanging around the house and complaining that they are in California. I tell them that one of these day's when they are old and their grandchildren ask them what they did in California, and all they can say is nothing..... well that is going to be sad.

The other day I was reading the aaa magazine and they have a section called five worth the drive. So I am planning a field trip for everyone! I think we have about 20 people going, and it should be a blast. We will be going to a museum to see how Hollywood makes monsters from start to finish, and we will get to touch them and play with them. The marines like the fact that they get to play with Inspectors gadgets gadgets. It should be a good time for everyone.

This weekend I will be collecting the money for the tickets, and then we will be going to the museum around the first of June. We have to wait that long because most of the marines will be going to the field until then.

Something else I am doing to help me get out of my rut, is I am volunteering at our local national cemetery. They are doing something called a roll call, and they want to read the names of everyone that is laid to rest there. I will be reading from midnight to 1 A.M. on May 16. I will not be reading the names of my in laws, but I can dedicate the reading in their memory.

I am also starting a bucket book. I am using a simple notebook and I am writing down all the stuff that I have done in my life time. I am shocked at how much I have actually done. I am going to stash this notebook, so that way when I die my children will find it, and they will know that I lived a full life.

Today is another day, and I am going to get off my bum and go for a walk, and then do some stuff around here.

Life is good

how am I doing?

The other night I was counting to see how many lap quilts I had made for the shut In's. I was right on track, my goal was to have 12 done by December. I needed to get started on May's quilt. I have been doing the tie blankets, but I have not seen any fleece on sale, so I went to my material stash and realized that I had enough squares to make a lap quilt. I have been doing the tie blankets because I can sit in bed and tie while I watch t.v., but I needed to not spend money unless I really needed to.

My freezer is getting almost empty. I might be able to make it until Friday when Rusty gets paid. We can afford food, but once again I have been trying to use what we have. I must say that our meals are getting very creative, but that's o.k. because I have now gotten use to making do with what we have.

I am a material whore. I love material and I could buy it in bulk if I could afford it. I am proud to say that I have not bought any material since I started my no spending diet! I am really getting creative with my quilts, but that is o.k. I also went through my material stash and gave some away. I am down to one crate and it is not even a full crate. I am so proud of myself. I think I have enough material to get one or two more quilts done for the marines and then I will have to buy more material. I also found a ton of material that I bought in hopes of making a quilt for myself. I guess I will finally get around to making that quilt for myself.

Our weather here has been just crazy. Hot one week and then cold the next. I so wanted to turn on the air, but I stopped myself. It is way to early in the year for my electric bill to go up. So instead I packed everyone up and went to the lake to cool off.

This whole no spending diet is very easy. I knew I would do o.k. on this diet, but the whole diet has changed me. This diet has made me realize just how much I do have and just how much I can live without.

I am sure if I asked "older" people that would agree with me. I remember my grandmother reusing everything or just making do with what she had. America has become a nation of consumers and wasters. It still blows my mind that people buy stuff to use once and then they throw it away.

chili is done!

I am going to need to wake Nikki up soon because she has to go get her wisdom teeth removed today. Oh what a joy. I need to make sure I ask the doctor to give her a script for liquid pain killers. For whatever reason this child still cannot swallow a pill.

I put some chili in the crock pot and it smells so good. I love my crock pot and I don't understand why more people don't use them. Maybe I am just lazy.

Friday I went out and bought some new jeans and two new tops. This is a big deal for me because I hate shopping and I hate wasting money on myself, but I wanted to look nice for Rusty.

Yep. I put all of my feeling aside and I went to dinner with Rusty. My girls thought I was crazy and that I should not give in. The only thing that kept popping into my head was "Cesar's wife said be above reproach". Cesar's wife is right. i will do nothing that gives people the right to say anything bad about me.

I am glad I went. I ate dinner with Rusty but then I said "I am going to go hang out with Thelma and Grady, because I have not seen them in a while." Rusty was cool with that.

Thelma and Grady. Thelma was one of the first women to welcome to the post. She took me under her wing and showed me the ropes. Thelma has taught me so much. Grady is Thelma's husband and he is just a crack up.

About five years ago Thelma had a stroke, so she does not get out much. Her body is very weak, but her mind is still as sharp as a tack! Thelma use to be a no shit Rosie the riveter during WWII. She actually showed me a picture of her putting together aircraft.

Then Thelma asked me what I was doing on a certain day next month. I was puzzled. It turns out that our local national cemetery is looking for volunteers to read the names of all the service men and women who are berried there. Everyone is taking an hour shift. So I got the number from them and I am going to call and get more information on this. This sounds like something I can do. Something different. Something outside my box.

I finally have my grocery getter back! I love that car....even if I have to duck tape part of the dash board back together. That old car just keeps running and running, and I love it! I need to find the time to go get the front end aligned. We paid for a life time alignment, so I just need to get my bum down there. The guy that fixed my car told me that I will need a new power steering pump and a new top hose. Whatever. I told Rusty so he is going to get that fixed for me.

I also drug out some quilt tops that I was asked to do something with. A lady from the Wounded warrior battalion asked me to take some of the smaller quilt top and piece them together to make bigger quilts. This is a lot easier said then done, but they are now on my list of things to do.

Yesterday I just did some stuff around here. I got my bathroom scrubbed down. I want to know how come I sweep up a ton of hair, and yet I still have a very full head of hair? Who knows, all I do know it that my bathroom now sparkles. Why am I in such a scrub down mood?

I also made the girls go through all of their clothes and get rid of anything that does not fit or that they have not worn. Between the two of them they must have pulled out 3 laundry baskets full of stuff. Here is a question for the universe. How is it that we get rid of so much stuff, yet we still have so much crap.

I have a space in the garage that is marked for a yard sale. I don't think I have enough for a big yard sale, but I may throw everything out there and just take what I can get for it. I just want this stuff gone! LOL

I need to go pack up some stuff to take with us. At least it will give me something to do while Nikki is getting her teeth removed.

Who needs a shrink. I have you guys!

Well. That is about all I can say right now. At least I don't have a hangover. Not that I ever do get them, but at least my head is not pounding!

Lynn, you are right. I need to change something, but what. I have thought about going back to work. I even called my old boss today, but he does not have any work right now.

I also need to have Nikki get her drivers licence, so she can start driving herself around. I need to find a back up sitter for Ryan, so if I am working and the girls aren't here, someone will be here with Ryan.

Today I am going to wake all the boys up and have them get this house cleaned up. I have a blanket to finish, and not to much else to do. I would like to go to the lake, but right now it is overcast, and my girls are still burnt. O.K. they are not burnt any more, the blisters have popped and now they are starting to heal. I just need to make sure that I keep them covered.

Rusty and still are not talking. I guess we will figure everything out at some point. Yesterday Rusty asked me to go with him to a dinner that he has to go to tonight. I never did give him an answer. I really don't want to go. Part of me says I should go because it would be the polite, correct, or nice thing to do. I just don't know that I really want to go. We will see how my day goes.

I guess I could go get dressed and start my day, but I am wondering if anyone would notice if I just lived in my jammies?

drinking and blogging

So here I sit. I am getting ready to go get my third wine cooler. Yep I am drinking. They that alcohol is a truth serum, so I guess everything I am about to say is the truth.

Tonight just sucked. Rusty and I were going to go see Kenny Rogers tonight, but when we got to the box office they were sold out. I love Kenny Rogers. Every year my dad would take me to a Kenny Rogers concert. I just love Kenny Rogers. Tonight I did the hair and the make up, and I even put on my dads watch. I thought I would take a little piece of my dad with me.

Nope. No concert for me. I did however get the worst meal I had ever eaten. My heart was just crushed. We have known about this concert for over a month. I could kick myself for not booking the tickets sooner. To be honest I was hoping Rusty would do it for me. You know a little surprise that said "Hey I am thinking of you". Then when Rusty brought it up yesterday, I was a little excited.

How silly am I. Silly me thought that I would have a good time without my children. Silly me. I know better then to dream and have hopes.

So here I sit tonight. Drinking. I told Rusty that maybe my grandmothers, my father and my sister may have had it right. Drink, and then you can't feel any pain. I think they are right. Right now I can feel anything.

I said a lot of other things to Rusty. It mad him mad and he went for a walk. I wish he would have talked to me, but he didn't. I guess that is what happens when you speak from your heart.... you make people mad at you.

Note to self: never tell anyone how you really feel because it will only hurt them.

I hope that my girls realize that the world is their oyster. I hope that they do not settle down and become mom's. I hope that they live their life on the edge, doing everything that they want. I can't say that to my children, but I so want to.

I am so disgusted with my life. I hate it. I am a wife, a mom, and a short order cook. That is all that I am. Nothing more and nothing less. I live a life that will never be written about. I live a life in these four walls. It is very unfulfilled and very stagnant.

I would love to run away and go live with the lions in Africa. I would love to go Ireland and see where my grand parents are from. These are just dreams, and we all know that dreams don't come true. I would love to click my heals and to be able to go someplace fabulous, but I live in the real world.

Here in the real world I can't run away and hide from anything. I am stuck facing everything head on. Even if I don't want to.

I feel as if I have a heavy cloth of sadness hanging on me. I just can't get out from under it. Maybe this is me losing yet another part of me. I stopped dreaming big, but I was hoping for this small thing to happen, and yet it never did. So, maybe this is me mourning the lose of hope for the little things.

If you lose hope what do you have left?

I am so sick of giving to other people. I sick of people asking me to do things, and I do it, but they can't do the simple things for me. People often just push me to the side. I feel as if they are saying "Oh, it is just Kelli. She is so easy going, she won't mind if I blow her off."

Note to self: don't ask people to do anything for you. Then you won't be disappointed when they let you down.

A few weeks ago I told Rusty that I wanted to put a bullet in my head. He did not take me seriously. At that moment in time I really did want to do it. I sometimes think that my husband and children would be better off without me. Lets face it. All I do is cook, clean, and sew. They can hire someone to do that for them. Don't worry, I am not going to kill myself. I am just wondering what's the point? Is there a point to life?

Maybe my world will look brighter in the morning. Right now it looks o.k. If I had not drank all the wine coolers maybe it would look better.

Nikki's birthday.

I just can't believe that my baby girl turned 17 yesterday! She just can't be that old, because that would mean that I am getting older.

Nikki had an o.k. birthday. Nikki Chris and Amber were headed up to Disney since Nikki got in free on her birthday. However Chris and Amber had tickets that some marines had given them. The people at Disney would not let them in the gate because those tickets were suppose to be used by the military and none of them had an i.d. card.

Rusty and I got Nikki a new digital camera for her birthday and she really liked that. So now both of the girls have their own camera and I won't have to listen to them fight over one camera.

Most of the marines came up to say Happy Birthday to Nikki and they spoiled her, but I guess that is what big brothers are for.

Yesterday was also earth day. I always want to go out and do something for earth day, but I feel that I should be at home with Nikki. I did however make it a green day for all of us, and I think that is what important.

I don't have to much to do today. The laundry is started, and the kitchen is cleaned up. Rusty took the day off work because he has to go to a funeral. Rusty did not ask me to go with him, so I did not volunteer. I can't stand to hear the sound of the 21 gun salute.

Yesterday I chewed out these two girls. One of the marines is seeing one of the girls and the other girl is Chris's sister. They just walked into the house and went straight up to Nikki's room. I just stood there looking at them. I could not believe what I just saw. I finally went up there and I found them covering Nikki's room in streamers and balloons. I asked what they were doing, and they said "Well we thought it would be fun to decorate Nikki's room". I very calmly said "What you are doing is making a mess that she has to clean up tomorrow. If you wanted to do something nice for her then why not clean her bathroom? By the way I find it very disrespectful that you think you can just walk in here and do whatever you want." The girls just looked at me and said "sorry." I said "Sorry does not cut it." and then I just walked away.

I am at my breaking point with people. There are a few marines that I am going to tell not to come back, and I hope I never see these girls again. I am sick of being the kind person.

The first load of laundry is done, so I better go get it hung up to dry.

another awesome weekend.

When you live near a lake it is a given that you are going to be spending a lot of time there, and that is what we did this weekend!

Last weekend a guy was walking his pit on the beach and he approached us and asked if our dogs minded other dogs. We said no, so he let his dog go. Our dogs swam and played catch for a few hours. The dogs so love to be out there in the water. I was really impressed with how well his dog was trained, and it made me realize that I have a lot more training to do with my dog. This guy showed up Saturday and Sunday as well. It is so nice to see these dogs just out there playing and having a good time. I love meeting fellow dog lovers.

After this guy and his dog left, another couple approached us and asked if our dog played well with others. I said yes, and kept throwing the ball. So this couple lets their dog go, and he attacks our dog! I must say that I am very proud of our dog, because he grabbed that other dog and shoved his head under water. LOL I know I should not laugh, but hey it was funny. This couple did apologize, and they said that their dog was not very socialized. I strongly suggested that they teach him how be social before they take him to a public beach. People!

A new marine showed up at our house this weekend. His name is John and he is from Alaska. It was so much fun talking to him, and getting to know him. John said that he has only been in Cali for 9 months and he is not sure if he likes it or not. So I said "You pick a Saturday and we will go out. I will take you to places that will blow your mind, and all it will cost us is lunch and gas money." He said it was a deal. I can't wait to show this kid around.

My girls got a little to much sun this weekend, so I will need to keep them covered. I have some stuff that I need to get done around here. I have a ton of boxes that I need to go through and get them out for someone else to use. I also have a ton of laundry to get done, so I guess that will be my excuse to stay out of the sun for a few day's.

I have gone around and gathered up all of our old computer parts. Our local outlet mall is having a computer recycling day, in honor of earth day, so this is perfect for me! I won't have to pay to take them down to the recycling center, and I will be doing a little something for the environment. I really want to check and see what other earth day events are going on around here.

Our daughter Nikki was born on earth day, and she is finally getting into earth day. For a very long time she never wanted to celebrate earth day because it was her birthday. This year she is thinking that she wants to go plant a tree! I love this child.

I am off to start my day.