Tuesday, August 4, 2009

there was a fork in the road......

My father use to use that quote all the time. "there was a fork in the road and I chose the one less traveled."
Some of the events that are unfolding in my life are because of the choices I have made, and some are not.
Right now I feel like I am being forced to take the road less traveled. I am trying to get all the children set for school, and let me tell you Amber and Nikki are going to break my bank.
I can't believe how expensive college is, and Amber is only going to a junior college. Now I chose to make Amber go to college. I chose to make her take a minimum of two classes a semester. In exchange I would let her live her for free. I never chose to be caught in the middle. According to the state we make to much money to qualify for any grants. Since when is poverty to much? So I am shouldering the burden. Notice I said I. I have been saving money like a mad women. I have a separate bank account where I place all the extra money that I make. This is what is paying for college.
My mom offered to help pay for Ambers books. I have chosen to not allow her to pay for shit. The last thing I need is blood money. Yes, that is my choice.
I have been looking around for a very part time job, just something a few hours a day, and no weekends. I have checked with the school district, the water company..... no luck. I can't go back to work full time because of Ryan. Every time I do get a full time job I get fired because I have to leave because Ryan is sick, or because no one is around to watch him. Not working is kinds being forced on me, but I need to do something.
I chose to let Nikki make some very hard decisions in her life. I am now paying the price for that. Now that she back in a regular school, I am paying for yearbooks and asb cards and....... I am about sucked dry.
It was my choice to not go and get a new court order, and have my ex pay for half of Amber and Nikki's stuff. I figure that we should just let sleeping dogs lie. That is my choice and now I am starting to question it. Not that he would ever pay it, but at least with the court order it would be tacked onto his bill.
Rusty and I chose to do everything on our own. We did this because we wanted our children to know who really loved them and supported them. It was Rusty and I, not their sperm donor.
I am done being down. I just one of Ambers books for free! That is a huge savings. I am actually getting some sewing done on my own quilt. I have plenty of food. I have money in savings to pay for all of this. I have a husband who loves me and who bust his ass everyday just so I can be a stay at home mom. My children are not pregnant or on drugs.
Life is good


Jeanne said...

And EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON and someday you will look back on this time of your life and understand why it all happened the way it did. In the meantime, you are so right. You have good kids that aren't on drugs or pregnant or in jail. Sometimes we need to just put things into perspective like that.


a corgi said...

you are a FANTASTIC mother and Rusty an AWESOME father! your kids know you love them and would do anything for them. it is good that Amber is in college for her long-term future and Nikki will always appreciate her yearbook and the activities she could do being in ASB. and Ryan feels secure because he knows you will be there for him, especially when he's not feeling well. YOU AND RUSTY ARE DOING A GREAT JOB!! so pat yourself on the back and pat Rusty on the back and say "we're doing good!"


Traci said...

Life is good! don't forget to check out Craig's list, Amazon, half.com for books. I know you are resourceful! We all make choices that make others question our sanity but they are what makes us unique and it's our lives. I'm rambling and making little sense. Good luck on the job hunt!

Melissa said...

paying for school, books and materials is very expensive. good luck on finding a part time job..its hard to find a job now days.

Missie said...

Have a good rest of your week!!

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About Me

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lake elsinore, ca
I am a stay at home mom. I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life. I keep it real here and I hold nothing back. My life is a roller coaster ride, so strap on your seatbelt.... here we go!