What a ride.

Well our family has made it through another year. How we did this I don't know. I must say that this year was filled with a lot of good times.

I had the pleasure of meeting several of the marines parents and they were just so much fun. I also spent a lot of time at the beach. For me that is always a good time. I also remembered that a good time does not have to coast a lot of money.

Rusty and I have grown more and more in love. I never knew that was possible, but it happened. I am so glad that I have him in my life and that he is the one I go to bed with every night.

I have been looking into the future and I know this year is going to be a great roller coaster ride. I am gearing up for it, so maybe I will be able to fly through everything with grace.

Amber has been on my last nerve since Christmas. If she makes it through the next year I will be excited. Now don't get me wrong. Amber is a good kid. She is not pregnant or doing drugs, she is in college, but man she needs a good dose of reality. Ambers ex boyfriend Sam is now back in town and they have hooked up again. Since Sam got back in town Amber has been treating me like dirt under her feet. When I talked to Rusty about it he said "She is trying to play adult, the sad thing is she does not know the rules of the game."

I see Amber heading for a very hard time. Soon Sam will go back to N. Caroline. Then what? Amber will be back here going to school and hopefully working. I could sit here and tell Amber how hard long distance relationships are. I could tell her that Rusty and I are the exception and not the norm. Most military marriages don't last. I could tell her all of this, but she wont listen to me, so I am not wasting the valuable oxygen on her.

Nikki will be 18 this year, and she has her tattoo picked out. It will be of a mouse and she is getting it on her foot. My dad use to call her a mouse, so he is getting the mouse in honor of him. I don't care if my children get tattoo's. I told them that as long as they live here they can only get a tattoo if it can be covered by clothing.

Nikki is going to try to go on two mission trips this year. She wants to go to the Philippians and to New York. Let the fund raising begin. Some how some way she always comes up the money and I have faith that it will be the same this year.

Ryan will be going into high school this fall. Rusty and I are not sure what high school we want him in. When it comes to Ryan every decision is very hard. Before Christmas break Ryan had a complete evaluation. I guess the results were good or bad depending on your point of view. His scores were very low. The good news about that is that he now qualifies for more programs, the bad news is it looks like Ryan will be living with us forever. Who knows what the future holds?

Chris got his ship date pushed back. It looks like he will not be leaving until mid April. That is cool with Rusty and I, but Chris is not so happy, because he wants to move on with his life and right now he is in limbo.

Chris had a great year. This time last year he was homeless, and now the world is his oyster. He has a home, food, clothing, and a motor cycle. Yep on of the marine GAVE him a motor cycle. Yes it did need some work, but it is up and running now and he could not be happier to have his own wheels.

As for me. Well I have some changes that I want make in my life. The first change that I am making is in my giving. Last year and this year we were not really able to adopt a family for Christmas. So I asked Rusty to please bring home some big boxes. In the past I had big boxes set up and throughout the year I would fill it with stuff and then those boxes would go to the family that we adopted. I am going to go back to that.

I am really trying to get my quilting priorities back in order. I still have to get some quilts done for the marines. I will need to make some quilts for the mission trips and I want to do the baby blankets. I need to find balance in all the sewing that I want to get done. I am also going to have to take a huge leap of faith in committing to these projects. My material stash is almost gone, and the last time it was almost gone people gave me material, and I am going to assume that this time will be no different.

I also want to try to learn more about the ocean. I go there so much and I do know a lot about it, but I would like to learn about some of the plants that wash up on the shore.

Well I need to get moving. Tonight Rusty and I are going to go have dinner with the triplets parents. It will be nice to sit down and actually have a conversation with other adults.

so it is

I have not writing much because for the last few weeks my life has been strange. Not in a bad way but in a way that is starting to annoy me.

1. If your daughters get two very expensive purses for Christmas, and all they can say is.... well this is more expensive so I will use this one. Well, I should have the right to return the purses and buy myself something.

2. If a wine glass breaks and you throw it away and then your husband pulls it out of the trash in hopes of gluing it back together.... just because it has the marine corp logo on it.... well I should have the right to finish smashing it with a hammer.

3. If a person is employed and owes $4,000 in credit card debt, and they can't put food on their table, well I should have the right to return the $300 worth of stuff she bought just because it was on sale.

4. If a person is employed and their car is not running that great, and they are getting out of the service and they are not sure if they have the gas money to make it home.... well they sure as hell should not be spending $150 on a new coat.

5. If you bitch and moan because I will eventually put Ryan in a group home, but you can't give up 20 minutes of your day to stay with him.... well, you should just sit down and shut the fuck up.

6. If you buy us more wii crap and wonder why no one is excited, well maybe you should have listened and not bought us a wii.

7. If you buy the largest cat box that you can, and your fat cat still tips it over, you should have the right to wire his jaw shut.

8. If you post on facebook that you and my father would have been married for 44 years. I SHOULD have the right to post back and scream stop the lying! You were not married that long, you were not married until right before I was born. You need to stop this lying to protect the bastard child. She is dead. Instead I said nothing.

9. When your uncle asks is children to look me up and facebook and then introduces me as his cousin.... well he should really be smacked with the family tree. I am your niece.

10. When life happens you should have the right to just go to bed and not have any questions asked. So before everyone starts asking questions I am going to go to bed.

mixed emotions

Over the past weeks this war has really hit me hard. I don't spend a lot of time thinking about the war. Instead I try to stay busy. I do superficial things, like send Christmas cards to the boys, clean the house, talk to the boys mom's, and sometimes just wish they they were here. For the most part my day's march on.

So why then am I know questioning everything about the war? A few weeks ago I found out that a dear friends son was injured in Afghanistan. My heart broke and I just had to pick up the phone and call. We talked and we cried. I got a quilt for the wounded warriors and had it sent out. It was a small token of love and a small way to say thank you. Today this dear friend wrote on my facebook wall telling me that her son is home and doing as well as can be expected. I had joyful tears come to my eye's.

Then the other night hubby and I were sitting on the front porch and he said "I miss the boys." I just smiled and said that I missed them as well. That was when my husband confessed that he wishes he was over there with the boy's. He wants to go back to war. He wants to be the one leading the boys into battle.

While I cannot judge my husband and while I cannot ever know know what it is like to go into battle, I do have to wonder. I wonder if I will ever not be his mistress. For years I have been placed behind the marine corps and I foolishly thought that once he retired I would not longer be the mistress.

I don't understand. All I do know is that I am glad he is retired and that I will no longer have to pack him off to war. I am glad that he will be able to spend all the holidays with us. Most of all I am glad that my husband trust me enough to confide his secrets to me. The secret is he wants to go back.

Another girlfriend sent me a link to a homecoming that one of our service received, but it was not the homecoming the family wanted. Instead everyone got to watch the flag draped coffin roll past. He got a hero's welcome, its just a shame that he had to die to get it.

Yesterday Nikki yelled "mom check your facebook." There is was in black and white. A dear friend was hurting because she just found out that one of her friends was killed. I picked up the phone and called her. The whole time I was praying "Lord please give me the words". They never came. I told her that I was willing to pack up my porch swing and fly to her so we could sit on the swing and have a good cry. She laughed and said she would like that, but that it was to cold to do that.

How can I have so many emotions? On one hand I so happy that my girlfriend son is home, and on the other hand I am so sorry that my friends are hurting because they lost a friend.

However everyone that knows me knows that I don't let things keep me down, so I have been thinking about I can better serve our military. I know, I know. I already quilt for them, I feed them, I have their families stay here when they are in town..... I know, but there has to be something more I could be doing. My brain is going a million miles a minute trying to figure it out. I know people with the rough riders. Maybe I should start riding with them. Maybe I should......

On another note, I think I am fighting off a cold. I just have no energy and I ache all over. I do not have time to be sick.

I have a big over stuffed chair that sits next to the computer desk, and I just looked over to see my big pit laying there asleep. I have been thinking about training him to be a therapy dog. I really need to get off my bum and do it. I want to do it to prove that not all pit's are mean, and to prove to myself that I can do it. Hubby says his best trick is where's momma. if you ask you he will take you to me.

Well everyone is home, and I should go make sure that everyone eats.

year end eco recap.

This year was a year of growth and a year of trying new ideas. I started my eco friendly Friday's, not save the earth but to save me. I was on a mission to save money and to do my part to reduce recycle and reuse.

Now I have not always put the planet first, but I did try. The last week or so I have been busy doing stuff, and some , O.K. a lot of my cheap and eco ways have kicked in.

I bought no wrapping paper this year. I told everyone that we will use what we have on hand and after that you can get creative. Sometimes that can be hard. We had three rolls of that clear paper that had little designs on it. O.K. I will use it and I will show everyone that you can wrap something in clear paper. First I found some old tissue paper and I wrapped it around the gift and then I used the clear stuff over it. I also discovered that at the end of the roll was brown paper, so I also used that to wrap gifts.

Then there was the tree issue. I got over ruled and everyone wanted a real tree this year, so that is what they got. Threw some twist and turns we ended up with a free real tree. But we had no base for it, and I was not going to give in and go buy one. I was racking my brain, and then I remembered what one of my girlfriends does. She would take a deep bucket and put the tree in the bucked and then fill it with sand and then pour water over the sand. So off to the garage we went. We had a cat litter bucket that hubby was using, so we dumped his stuff out and I sent the girls to the lake to get some sand. I must say that it is very sturdy, and as of yet we have not had a cat climb the tree, but I am sure it will happen.

I was talking to the dogs one night and I asked them what they would like for Christmas. I know one of the dogs, butter, wants a new basketball, but what could I get for our old girl? I really wanted to get her a bed since she is not moving that well, but I don't want the hassle of trying to wash a pet bed. Then it hit me and I am now on a quest for a crib mattress. A crib mattress sits low to the ground, and I can cover it in blankets, which would be easier to wash. I can also slide the mattress under our bed when she is not using it. I found a crib mattress, but there is one problem with it. It is brand new! My girlfriend is going to give me her mattress, but her daughter never used it, and that mattress is top of the line. So once I get the mattress I am going to find someone who has a crappy mattress and trade them.

Butter is young and full of energy and he is very hard on his toys. He got a basket ball last year and he still has it. It is deflated, and the skin is gone, but he still plays with it. Then one of the marines said that he has a basket ball that has a tiny hole in it so it wont hold air for long. Perfect. There is butters gift.

Earlier this year I cleaned out all of my winter clothes, and I can tell you already that I will be getting rid of more clothes. I seem to only wear the same few sweaters and sweatshirts, so at the end of winter, I will be downsizing even more. I am just so amazed at how much clothing I had, how much I still have and how much I can live without. It actually feels good to have less, because I feel like I have more.

Well everyone, keep doing your part, and please tell me what you have done this year, and what ideas you have for the up coming year.

sometimes life just happens.

Monday I was suppose to take one of the marines back to 29 palms. I got up and got some stuff done around here, and then we headed for the gas station. The marine asked if he could buy me gas, so I said sure. A few moments later I looked at him and asked what he was doing? He was putting diesel in a gas car. I called Rusty and he told me to drive straight home and park the car. That is what I did.

We waited for Amber to get home and then we took her car. It was a good thing we waited to go up to 29 palms. If we had left when we originally wanted to we would have been driving through the eye of a massive storm. It was also good that we waited because we got to have a snowball fight in the desert. Now how many people can say that?

Yesterday Chris decided that he was going to drain my gas tank. UMMM O.K. so he gets busy and he comes in and asks me if we had anything he could dump the diesel into. No I am trying to think without sounding like I am stupid. I guess a gas can is to big to fir under the car.

So I go out to the garage and I take a look around. I called Rusty and I said " I have a stupid question for you. Will diesel melt plastic?" Rusty just said "Well I don't know but you can try it and if the plastic tub melts then you know it does."

So Chris gets all of that done, and he says that he is going to walk up to the gas station and get more gas. I got dressed and walked him. It was not a bad walk, maybe two miles of so. We also had to get a new fuel filter, so it was a good thing that there was an auto zone across the street from the gas station.

It was nice to just walk and talk to Chris. He thought it sucked that we could not drive there, but I told him that it did not bother me, because I use to walk everywhere. We were a one car family until about 8 years ago.

Chris finally got everything back on the car and he showed me the old fuel filter, and man it was gross. It was a good thing we went and changed it. The more I think about it the more I realize that the diesel being in by accident was a very good thing for us.

You know what else is kinda funny? Rusty and I. When I called Rusty to tell him that I was leaving for 29 palms he said "O.K. baby. Be safe and stay on the main roads." I actually listened to Rusty. Sometimes I don't always do that, but this time I did and it was a good thing I did, because I later found out that the back roads were all flooded out.

The other day Ryan came walking and he looked like something off the nerds movie. I just shook my head. Two months ago Amber and I cleaned out Ryan's clothes and now he has grown again! I swear I can't keep up with him. Think Kelli think. So I called one of girlfriends son's and asked him for all his "old" stuff. He brought over some really nice stuff for Ryan. The thing with Ryan is, is he is just so damn skinny! So is my girlfriends son, so he hooked Ryan up and showed him how to cover up the fact that his jeans bag, even with a belt on. So I guess it all worked out in the long run.

Today I am trying to air the house out and get some laundry done, because we are suppose to get another massive storm moving in tonight. I don't mind the storms as long as I don't have to go out in them. I think tomorrow will be a good day to just hunker down and do some sewing.

really now?

Let me start by saying that I had the privilege and the honor of entertaining two young men that just go back from Afghanistan. These boys were so happy to have a home cooked meal and a beer.

One of the marines Amber and Nikki have known most of their lives. It is strange how a child they would play with every summer, a child who lives in Chicago would now be a marine living just two hours from us. It really is a small world.

My children are on my last nerve. I am thinking about lowering my expatiation's. Maybe then I would not be disappointed.

Amber bitched at me because I would not drive to 29 palms when she thought I should. She is mad at me because she had to work and could not spend that much time with JT. Amber is still mad that I am not in the mood for Christmas.Last time I checked it was not her that was driving 4 hours, and paying for the gas. It is not my problem that she has to work. That is called life. As for Christmas I just told her "You know I use to love Christmas and I use to decorate the whole house. You guys bitched and said it was to much and that all of our stuff was ugly. Now I give the opportunity to decorate for Christmas and you still bitch." Amber shut up and walked away. No decorating has gotten done.

Chris is just not listening to anything. I know this is typical shit, but I am so sick of it. Today when he got up I asked him to please do a few things for me. I asked him to put the spare tire and the jack back. I asked him to load all the stuff that was going to the good will, and to go to the store for me. Thats it. That is all I wanted and yet none of it got done. O.K. let me get this straight. I just paid for a new tire to be put on the car. I pay for the insurance, and I give him free liberty with the car, yet he can't do a few simple things.

Nikki does not know which end is up. She thinks everyone is to blame for her problems. I am still trying to figure out I am responsible for her failing chemistry. I am still trying to figure out how it is my problem that she has to spend all of her money on fast food. I cook every night, but it is not good enough for her.

Ryan can't figure out that it is cold, so I have to inspect him every morning. He does not have common sense to put on long sleeves and a jacket. I swear if that boys asked me to let make another ginger bread house I am going to scream. We made them last year, and he just watched as everyone else made theirs.

I still miss my boys, and the children don't get that. Last night I listened to JT and his friend talk about the horrors of war, and my mind went straight to all my boys. I know that my boys are cold, hungry, and unsafe, yet I don't think the children understand this.

Well, I got the kitchen cleaned up. I am sure I will be expected to cook dinner.

I got the carpets cleaned in the living room. I guess I am going to put presents under an undecorated tree.

I guess I am going to go to the store and get the stuff I need. This will please Rusty since I will have to move his seat and steering wheel.... you know since Chris has my car and he still has not done what I asked.

I swear life with four teens is just so much fun.

baking and guns

Yesterday I was determined to have a good day.

I found out that one of my boys is heading back home! Yes. He will finally be home. He was suppose to be home for Thanksgiving, and he missed that, but he will be home for Christmas. He asked Rusty and I to go to a bbq with him and then he wanted to come back here. I told him that I would be there for sure, and we would have to look at Rusty's work schedule.

Yesterday Chris turned 19. We did not do anything big and fancy. I made him the dinner that he wanted and we got him something small. He had a great time, and we were thrilled to see him so happy.

Yesterday I also found out that I will be getting two new foster babies today! I cant wait. I love having babies in the house.

Amber ran to a friend of ours, and her daughter was selling candy outside the grocery store. So Amber bought a bar and my friend told Amber that she will be baking on the 22, so I better bring my Christmas platter over so she can fill it for me. YUM.

I also found out that my mom is sending out my dads bb guns, so Santa is going to bring them for the girls. I also saw a bb gun that I wanted to buy Ryan. Yep Santa has lost his mind this year. He is bringing the children guns for Christmas.

Then when I logged onto my facebook account I saw that a dear friends son was injured and is now in a hospital in Germany. Damn this war. I just sat there looking at the screen and wondering how and why this happened. I knew what I had to do, but see, I have never met this lady we only know each other through blogs and facebook.

I saw that she was on line and I i.m.ed here and asked her if I could have her number. She gave it to me and we talked for a while. This morning I sent here family several links to help them find the resources that they would need.

I just knew I had to do something. I just could not, not reach out. Everyone out there, please remember that we have boys and girls fighting in a war, and some are about to leave. Let's not forget that this holiday season.

I made it.

Thanksgiving was great! For the first time in a very long time everyone pitched in and it went very smoothly. Ii had a lot to be thankful for this year and as I sat down at the table and looked around I saw all of my blessings.

I kept my phone close to me and I was hoping that the marines would call. One called at midnight and it was so awesome to hear from at least one of them. I have heard through the grapevine that everyone is doing good and that is all that matters to me.

On black Friday I was suppose to go down and visit with that marine. I was so looking forward to a picnic on the beach, but she blew me off. That's o.k. I found other ways to occupy my time.

I had Chris drop off all the quilts I made for the seniors and they loved them. I told Chris that was not to give them my name, number or anything! He said they were shocked. I also had Chris pull a name off the tree for me.

Another marine and I hit a thrift store and we bought a few puzzles. I think we ended up doing five puzzles this weekend! It was nice to just relax and do something that I like to do.

One of our dear friends, Jim and Dolly, called Rusty and I and asked us to stop by on Sunday, so we did. I grabbed Chris and had him go with us. I wanted him to meet some real good people. Not to mention that Jim has a gun collection that most men would kill for!

We get over there and I head straight for Dolly who is in the process of decorating her tree. Dolly has knee surgery and it has made her knee worse, so I did all the bending for her. It was so nice to chat with a dear friend and to be able to help her all at the same time.

All of the guys talked about guns. That is all I really know. Dolly and I just rolled our eyes when they would talk about guns. Sometimes we just don't understand guys.

Chris said that he was glad that he went with us, and he said they were some of the nicest people he has ever met. That was my point. I like introducing Chris to people with high morals and integrity.

After that we went to the commissary, and that is always a load of fun. I did not do to bad, I had 20 dollars in coupons and only spent $260! Not bad for a family of 6, and that will last us about two weeks.

Last night I asked Chris for the name he pulled from the tree. I had to laugh and I told him that he pulled a good name. I got a lady by the name of Mary V, and she wanted hand lotion, a blanket, and a puppy calender. I had just bought a big thing of hand lotion, I have a Christmas quilt that is done! Now I just need to go buy here a puppy calender.

The children are waiting until this weekend to decorate. I do hope they have fun doing it. I may have to break down and help them, or I can remember that they are grown and can it themselves. We will see how it goes. I am however doing a deep clean on the living room so that way everything will at least be clean before the decorations go up.

OH! Dolly was showing me these ornaments that her daughters made, and they are so cute and so easy. So that got me to thinking, and I have come up with an idea for all the deployed boys. They are going to be so cute and I can't wait to got them done so I can show them off.

Well, life is calling me. I need to start the laundry, and start my day.

moving on

Well here it is. Another day and another opportunity to change my life. It is up to me weather or not I make good changes or bad changes.

Yesterday I called my mom and we talked for a while. We talked about a lot of our issues. I still do not agree with my mother that she should be raising children again, but my mom said something that really struck a cord with me. She said "If you had died I would have raised your children, but you are lucky enough to have a man that loves your children and would take care of them, and I would not have to raise them."

Last night I was telling Rusty that I spoke with my mom, and reminded him of something that he had said to me. Rusty once said "if you die I would not let your mother take the girls from me. I would fight for them." Then I told him all about my mom's and mine conversation. A light bulb went on.

My children may have been the cast off. My children may not be the chosen children. However my children have something that the chosen child does not have. My children have two parents that are alive and love them more then anything. What price tag do you put on that?

I am still not in the mood to celebrate Thanksgiving, but in my true fashion I am going to put a spread on the table. I will sit next to my husband and I will listen to all the laughter. Life goes on.

One of the marines will not be coming to dinner. She is not in the mood, and I so understand that. So, On either Friday or Saturday I am going to drive down to the base and get her. Then I am going to surprise her with a picnic on the beach. I bought some sparkling cider, and I am going to take down some cheese and cracker's, and some grapes. I even going to take down wine glasses and china. We are going to sit on the beach and spend some time on our terms.

The marine does not know any of this, but I think it will be good for both of us. I need to stop sinking in self pity and go do something for someone else.

Life is good.

break down now?

Well, here it is two days before Thanksgiving, and all I want to do is cry.

I was standing in the kitchen cooking dinner, cleaning out the fridge, and listening to a cat scream, when it all hit me. Thanksgiving is in two days. I just grab a flat of eggs on put them on to boil.

I am standing there watching everything cook and I just could not figure out why I dread this Thanksgiving.

Could it be because I said I did not want to do it and yet here I am cooking a turkey, boiling eggs, and thinking that I still need to go to the store and buy stuff so Amber can make the pies.

Could it be because I have had problems in my personnel life. I laid my sister to rest. I watched mymother pull a 12 year old off her mothers coffin. Could it be that everything surrounding my sisters death has made mine and my mom relationship even harder?

Could it be that in one of fits of rage I threw my phone at Rusty and yelled "You are so lucky to have both of your parents dead and you have a brother that you have not seen 16 years". I know I hurt Rusty that day, and yet he just grabbed me and gave me a hug.

Could it be that most of my boys are fighting a war that I do not agree with. Could it be because one of the boys won't be bringing his baby to dinner. I guess that is a little hard for him considering he is in the middle east.

Could it be that I am looking at the cost of college going up? I can't believe how much I am going to be paying out right before Christmas. I swore that no matter what I would provide my children with a college education. I can hear rusty right now. He is my mind saying "you need to ask your mom for your inheritance". I will pay for my children's education even if it means me going back to work with a drug dealer. I just need to remember to not drink the coffee.

Could it be that I found out that a couple will be coming to dinner.... and I did not invite them, nor do I want them here. There is not much I can do about that now. But I would love to just lay into this couple and give them a good what for, but I don't think making a scene is the way to go either.

Lets just hope that I can remember all the things I have to be thankful for. Right now I do not see that happening.

I just want this whole holiday to go away. Why can't I just go sit on the beach and watch the sun go down? Maybe I would even roll a big fat one. To me that would be a perfect day.

My Eco Thanksgiving nightmare

I had said that I was not going to do the holidays this year. I am so not in the mood. Then I had a nightmare.

I dreamt that Rusty woke me up on Thanksgiving to ask me how to defrost a turkey. That is not to far from the truth, he would do that.

Amber has been breaking out some decorations in hopes that I will get in the mood. So last night I gave in. I told everyone that I would do the turkey but nothing else.

Turkey. Erma Bombeck was right we are the only country in the world that takes fresh bread, makes it stale and then stuffs into a dead bird.

Turkey. Can I get one with in a 100 miles? Well, yes I could. I could send hubby down to the beach to kill one. There are several flawes in this idea.

1. hubby said that once you hunt man, you can't go back to hunting animals.

2. hubby would have to walk on the sand, and he hates that.

3. the beach is on base and there is no hunting on base.

4. Even the of obstacles were not there, hubby would bring home a dead bloody animal and expect me to know what to do with it. Hello I am a city girl.

So I will be going to the store to buy the turkey. Last night I called everyone and told them what to bring. I am not seeing this as a very eco friendly holiday.

I will use organic cleaners to clean the beer pong table. I will use china and cloth napkins. I will not have to turn the heat on because my house will be hotter then... I could make the guys pee outside to save on water. I will be able to save on dog food because I am sure they will catch anything that might fall from the table.

O.K. so Norman Rockwell would not paint a picture of our Thanksgiving, but it will be ours. I will do my best to make sure everything gets recycled, no food will go to waste, and most of all I will be able to spend some time my family..... marines included.

Wasn't it Erma Bombeck who also wrote the book "Family: the ties that bind and gag"

what about the new year?

Over the last few week's while my life was turning upside down, I really tried to focus on other things. One of the things that caught my eye was a show called the 100 mile challenge.

This show was on planet green and some people from a town in British Columbia could only eat food with in a 100 miles of their home, and they had to do this for 100 day's. Rusty and I talked about and we said that if we had to we could do. We are very blessed to live in southern California where we have a lot of food that is local.

So now I am looking forward to the new year and I am trying to think of another way to challenge myself. Could the 100 mile challenge really fly in this house? Well..... it could if I did it a little bit at a time. Rusty has to have his meat and he does not hunt any more, so I know our meat would not be local, but what about the rest of the meal? This is something I could do say once or twice a week and my husband would not complain.

So I thinking that once or twice a week I will do only local meals with the exception of our Meat. Now this also translate into one or two lunches a week that will fit into my 100 mile challenge.

As I sit here and look back over the last year I have reached my goals. I made all my blankets, and my no spending diet went great. I have learned a lot from both of the goals that I set for myself.

From the blankets I learned that I have to schedule in the time to make these works of art and I had to keep my eye on the goal. Twelve blankets for the shut in's. I can't wait to deliver all these quilts!

From the no spending diet I have learned just how much I can live without and how much I do have. I must say that I have gotten creative with some of my meals, and I have caught myself telling the girls to use what they have on hand. My mind has been stretched and wallet remained closed.

I am sure that at some point my children have learned something from watching me, and I hope they carry that with them.

Today I feel like crap. My ear is killing me. I know it is not infected, I know that it is just all this crazy weather we are having. As usual life and time march on even if I don't feel good. I did manage to get the house cleaned up, make dinner and tackle the pile of paper work that has been sitting on the desk.

I think the most important thing I did was chat with one of my boys. I always love hearing from them.

Well I hear the bed calling me, so I better get to it. Tomorrow is another day, and I am sure that it will be filled with all the usual and then some.

all for the love of my boys

I am sure there is something I should be doing, but I think I have been silent enough.

In the past few weeks my world has been turned upside down. In the past two weeks I have shipped 7 boys off to war. A war that I do not agree with. A war that will forever change them. They may have left as men but I know they will come back as men. I know that my boy's are cold, missing their families and most of all a new reality is being forced upon them.

For me I am taking it one day at a time. Sometimes I am taking it one moment at a time. When I want to cry because I am missing my boys, I go cry on Rusty's shoulder, I remember the good times, and I tell myself that they are o.k. Even if I do not know if they are o.k.

Before Ben left we went over to see Deb and Popi. I know Ben. He was going to want to sit and speak Spanish, he was going to want that little comfort. We spent several hours with Deb and Popi, and before we left Deb and Popi wanted to pray over Ben. I told ben to call his mom and put it on speaker phone so his mom could hear us praying. Popi and Bens mom spoke for a while. I have no idea what was said because I do not speak Spanish. Then Popi prayed in Spanish, and when he was done Bens mom prayed over him. I did not understand what was being said, but I know that I felt the holy spirit move. Then Bens mom started crying. I said that I did not mean for her to cry. I just wanted Bens mom to be apart this. Deb assured me that she was crying happy tears. This lady was just so thankful that people were praying over her son.

Rusty and I had an anniversary. We went to the Birch aquarium, and then out to lunch. I gave Rusty a bottle gentlemen Jack and one of the kittens. Rusty does not know why, but he fell in love with this all black long haired kitten, so I am letting him keep him.

The kitten is in getting fixed today, and Rusty's day is crazy so I am going to go down to base pick up this kitten. I told Rusty that I would go in the morning, but he really wants his cat home tonight. Is Rusty a grown man or a child?

I had to go back to Ryan's school and raise some hell today. I swear that Ryans teacher is brain dead.

At Christmas we always let the children pick out their own ornaments. Every year since the children were born they had gotten a new ornament, and we now have to many to hang on one tree, so they have to choose. However that would leave Chris out of the loop. So while we at the aquarium I saw the huge glass sea horse ornament. It was perfect. Chris is a beach and ocean person just like me.

When we got home I pulled Chris aside and told him that I did not want him to feel left out, so..... and I handed him the ordnament. He about cried.

Well I need to get on the road. Rusty's kitten is waiting on me.

my mind is full

My mind is full of choices. I have to choose my direction very carefully.

All of my boys have a ship date. Yep, here I go again sending. I am sending boys off so they can come back as warped men.

When my phone rings I look to see who it is. If it is one of the boys I so don't want to answer it because I know what they are going to tell me. I answer the phone and I stay cheerful. I ask all of them "Do you have your will's done? Do you have all of your allotments done? Do you have any loose ends that need to be tied up, do you have all your cold weather gear?" Then I tell them that I will be there to see them before they get on the bus.

What I want to do is to answer the phone crying. I want to beg them not to go. I would be a basket case. I can't do that. I have to stay strong for them. I know they are scared. I know that they don't want to leave.

I also know of a person who is hiding from her comment. Yep, she joined the service and is now in desertion status because she does not want to deploy for a year. I get it. I would not want to deploy for a year either, but I did not sign on the dotted line in a time of war. Do I turn her in or do I do nothing? I have been trying to stay focused on what is at hand. What is at hand right now is seeing my boys off.

I could talk to Rusty about all of this, but I am not sure how far that would get me. Rusty say's stuff like "they are marines and marines go to war." Yes they do and I still think it sucks. I am not sure what Rusty would say if he knew about the chick that is running from her obligations.

One of the marines that is not deploying until the spring asked me if I would be interested in working with habitat for humanity. I just kinda smiled. That was on my bucket list. Yes I would like to do that. I don't have a lot of skills, but I am willing to learn and I am willing to help. So, he is going to get all the info and we are going to go volunteer with habitat for humanity. I figure that will keep my mind off everything going on here, and I will be giving back.

Rusty and I are suppose to go another ball. To tell you truth I so do not want to go. I am really not in the mood to celebrate anything. Part of thinks that is wrong, but the other part of me does not care. However since Rusty asked me to go order the cake, and do a few other things, I will do it for Rusty. Oh the things I do for the love of that man.

With everything that is going on in my life Rusty also tells me that we might have a trip to Yuma. Normally I love going places with Rusty and I know that it helps him out, but I don't want to miss seeing the boys off.

Oh my brain hurts. I need to make a list of everything that I need to get done. I need to start living, and not focusing on my boys leaving.

Luise: you asked about the black cats. My friend who is from the UK told me that over there black cats are considered lucky. Over here people use them as sacrifices, especially around Halloween. It make no sense to me. I love black cats.

doing nothing

I am not sure what is going on with me. I have been busy, but doing nothing.

I have three babies in still. They are here to gain weight, and since one of them is black he can't be adopted out until November. For the record yes I am counting my black cats. So far they are all here, so that is a good thing.

Rusty actually really likes one of the fosters. Rusty tries very hard to not get attached to the cats, but this one has won his heart, so I am thinking about giving it to Rusty for our anniversary. Rusty even named this cat.... his name is Bradley.

Amber is still looking for a job. She did get the job as a go go dancer, and she did for a few nights, but Rusty said it was very fishy, so Amber has not been back. Will she ever find a job? I swear there are no jobs here in California.

I have recently started speaking to my mother but only on topics that do not cause an argument. I guess that is something. At least we are doing that.

For now I am done with all the quilts for the marines. I do need to make a few for the two guys that are leaving in the spring, but they can wait. Right now I am working on some quilts for the shelter, and a quilt for one of Nikkis friends.

I have also been thinking about who I am going to adopt next year. Last year I made quilts for the veterans home, and this year I made lap quilts for the shut ins. It is very heavy on my heart that I need to make baby quilts. So I talked with a fellow j lander and she is going to see if her church could use them. This is a big jump for me because I don't usually make baby blankets unless I know I am going to need them, but my heart is telling me to make baby blankets.

I must say that summer is over and I am so sad to have to put my flip flops away. I need to learn to enjoy the cooler weather, but as of yet I have not. I guess growing up right out side of Chicago has made me not want any cooler weather.

Well I need to go to the store and get busy. Life is calling me, so I need to get to it.

for Paula

the silence is good

Well, I have been busier then a one legged man in an ass kicking contest. I finally have no company, and I so love it. It seems like everyone looked at a calender and said lets all go see Kelli at different times. Yesterday I finally got to do what I wanted to do. I cleaned some carpets and did some sewing.

* Amber said that she was going to go apply for a job as a go go dancer. I told her to go for it. She walks around here in shorts and shakes her bum, she might as well get paid for it.

* I got three new kittens in. They are here just until after Halloween. One of them is black and they won't adopt out black cats around Halloween. Rusty has fallen in love with this cat and has renamed him bradly.

* Speaking of cats, I have mice. How in the world does a women with four cats and three foster cats have mice? I don't get it, but the cats are slowly killing them. Which is a good thing.

* I think I broke my sewing machine yesterday. I was sewing on some upholstery material when it started acting up. I know better then to sew heavy stuff on my machine, but I did it anyway. I will have to look at it this morning and see if I cant figure something out. I have a quilt that I need to finish damn it.

* Rusty and I went to the ball and we had a good time. I did fit into that little red dress, but I think it will be the last time I wear it. It is starting to fray. I must say that I did look good.

* I got my hair trimmed the day of the ball. She only took off an inch, but it felt like more. So now it is two inches above my bum. The poor lady and to get on her knees to cut and straighten my hair. I offered to stand up, but she said no.

* One of the marines is in hot water and she goes on trial tomorrow. The chips will fall where they may.

*time to get busy and get some stuff done.

a relaxing few days

Once we got back from Yuma, I have just been busy, but in a good way. Dayana and the baby were gone when we got back, but another young wife is staying with us while her husband is in the field.

Yesterday, Lauren ( the young wife) helped me get the last of my quilts put together and pinned. That was such a huge help to me. I did reach my goal of 30 pet quilts in 30 days. However I did not get them all put together. So I am finishing up some and I will deliver them next week.

I have really been trying to cook Rusty some good hardy meals. After being in Yuma and eating nothing but fast food, he was ready for some good home cooking. Last night I made chicken fried steak, mashed potatoes, corn, saw mill gravy and a lemon cake. I told Rusty that if he dropped dead from all the fat.... well I am sorry. He loved the meal.

It has really cooled off down here. Our highs are only in the 70's and I must say that it feels good. I am just wondering if we are going to get one last heat wave. I guess only time will tell.

Today I worked on cleaning up the man cave. I swear Rusty just comes in and drops his shit and he will leave it there until he needs it again. Well I put everything away, and I even cleaned the baseboards. This room is bigger then I thought!

We have a ball next week, and I am really forward to this one. For some reason last year I was just dreading it, but not this year! I am wearing a dress I wore before, I have a purse, now all I need are some shoes. I need to go dig through my closet and make sure that I don't have any dress shoes. Last night I was telling Rusty that I needed a pair of dress shoes, and he just shook his head as if to say then go buy them. I finally asked Rusty what shoes I wore before when I wore that dress. He said that is he remembers correctly I did not wear shoes. Anything is possible with me.

Life is so good

I love Yuma

O.K. so here it is, a Saturday night and I am sitting in the business center of the hotel blogging.

This trip has been awesome, and I am so glad that I made this trip! Everyday Rusty has kissed me and thanked me for coming with him. These sales are a big job and he truly appreciates the help that I give him. Spending time with the love of my life and knowing that my simple act of helping, means so much to him, is just another way for me to show Rusty how much I love him.

Tonight Rusty and I were driving around and I must say that I think Yuma is beautiful. Rusty use to come here when he was a boy and he has nothing but fond memories, and he loved showing me around.

There is something magical about a desert community. I love the desert, the Spanish influence and the sunsets here can take your breath away. I would be happy to live here.

While Rusty and I were driving around something very strange hit me. I remember my mom saying that she hated Yuma and that it was a hell hole. Yet, here I am loving this little town.

This past year has been very hard on mine and my mothers relationship. My mother has even cancelled her tickets, so she won't be coming out for Christmas.

You know, everyone has a right to be happy and to live their lives. That is what I am going to continue to do. I will not allow her to suck the life out of me, I will not allow her to say negative things, and most of all I will not be forced to have a relationship with someone that I have no desire to have a relationship with.

This is my life. I choose happiness and love. Tomorrow we will leave Yuma and go back home, and then it is back to my life.

What I did

Today I should have done a lot of things. I should have packed since I am leaving for Yuma in the morning. I should have changed the sheets on my bed, but I did not. Today I threw everything out the window and I went to base.

I went to base to say good bye to some of my marines that will be leaving soon. Today was my last chance. So we did what everyone would do in my shoes. We walked on the beach at sun set and sang we all live in a yellow submarine. I talked with the boy's, I hugged them and most of all I told then that I love them.

We all went to dinner and before we left I asked them if they would mind walking on the beach me when they got back. They said they would. I am going to hold them to that promise. As we were walking out I turned around and said "well boys I will see you in seven months". That was it. No tears.

Here I sit. sand on my feet. Jeans that are wet. Yet, I feel like crying. I can't cry. Rusty would say "that is what marines do, they go to war."

Can I say that I hate this war. I want it to end. I want to see all my boys stay here. I don't want to hear that they are cold, or hungry. I don't want to say my good byes. I don't want to have to write them letters.

I want them to walk through my door and say mom we are home. Just like they do every weekend. I want to smell bbg, and have my house filled with laughter.

I know that my time will come. Soon I will be able to do a happy dance because I will be making welcome home posters. Soon.

Tomorrow I am heading to Yuma. Rusty is going out there for work, so I am tagging along to help him out, and to spend a little more time with him. I must say that I fall in love with my husband more every day. I want to spend every waking moment with him.

Life is good, even if you are looking through the tear filled eyes.

Eco friendly friday old school LOL

So I have a baby in the house. I love having a baby in the house. There is just something about a baby that makes me happy. I love rocking them, feeding them and taking them for walks. I love babies. My baby is 14.

Alison, the baby, has been sick since she got here. Poor thing has an ear infection, a cold in her chest and in her eyes. It just breaks my heart. A few nights ago Alison was fussing, so I went over to the sofa to check on her, and she was running a fever. I told Dayana, the mom, to go get me two clean towels. Dayana just looks at me. I said "The baby is running a fever and we need to cool her down."

I cleaned out the kitchen sink, placed a towel in it and ran some cool water. So there is Alison just chilling in a sink with some cool water. By now I have an audience. Dayana, Amber and Nikki are all watching me. I told them to get me some Tylenol and some jack. They did as they were told.

Everyone is watching me as if I am doing something exciting. I gave the baby some Tylenol and I rubbed some Jack Daniels on the babies gums. My girls just laughed at me and Dayana was shocked at what I just did.

It was then that it hit me. I had turned into my mother and grandmother. They taught me every trick in the book. My grandmother would say "Your mother is still here and so are you, so sit down and shut up."

This week I showed Dayana so many "old school" things. How did we all survive without some of the modern stuff that babies have today? Teething gel? That was whatever whiskey my parents had on hand. Baby food? That was whatever could be mashed with a fork and given to us. Diaper cream? That was corn starch on our bottoms.

Yesterday Dayana and the baby were still congested so I draped our shower and I told Dayana to grab the baby, and that it was time for a steam bath. By the time they got out, they both were feeling good. There is nothing like a good old fashion steam. Once again I had turned into my mother and grandmother.

Is that such a bad thing? I hear all this stuff about saving our planet and how we should be very careful about what we buy, use, and do to our planet. I think we should all take a look back. I would love to be able to talk to my great grandmother and ask her how things were done in her generation.

We all live in a world of technology, and we have a ll the modern convinces that we could ever want, but are we really better off, or are people just putting products out there to trick us into thinking we need them. Yes, some of the stuff is safer and better, but not everything.

Maybe what we all need to do is take a look back, so that we can all move forward. Now if you will excuse me I am going to go give the baby a bath in the kitchen sink. Yep, no baby bath tub here.

the truth

I have been sitting back and watching Danaya and her husband go round after round. Yesterday was the final blow. This "man" called Danaya and put her in tears. Danaya could not handle it any more so she just handed me the phone. Game on.

I pick up the phone and said hello. Then I lost it. I chewed this marine out and I laid it all on the line for him. I told him that as of right now he has two charges that can be filed against him. According to the UCMJ... Uniform Code of Military Justice, that he can be charged with adultery, and non support of dependents. I told him that I had already called his Sergent major. I told this "marine" that he better go fill out the paper work to get his wife an i.d. card and get enrolled in tricare. This dumb ass opened his mouth and said "well you don't understand, I am getting ready to deploy." That sent me off again. What? I don't understand? I gave him an hour and half to get his ass in gear. All he had left to say was yes ma'am.

A few moments later Rusty called me. The gal that this guy is having an affair with called Rusty! LOL Rusty said "honey I am not sure what is going on, but if Kelli is on the war path I would get out of her way." Danaya asked me why she would call Rusty. I had to smile when I told her "because she knows that Rusty is the only one who could tell me to back off, but he did not."

The day goes on and this marine is calling us and giving us updates on everything that he is doing. He was missing some documents, so he ended up giving her some power of attorneys. I told him that he would drive the power of attorneys up to us. If he so much as lied to me or does not show up.... I was going to finish hanging him.

He showed up and he and Danaya talked for a while. When she got back in the car she was laughing. I just smiled and said "what"? She said "you are not going to believe this. He went in and confessed to non support of dependents and is waiting to be pulled off the roster to ship."

I could not stop laughing. This dumb ass actually confessed!

After dinner Danaya and I were sitting around and I just laughed. I said "do you realize we only told the truth and he is now eating out of our hands."

My life motto is "Ceasers wife once said be above reproach."

We are and he is screwed. Life is good.

Thanks to my past

I never saw this coming. A few weeks ago one of Nikki's friends asked me why I open my home to anyone. I simply said "entertain strangers for as much as you have known you have entertained an angle."

This week I opened my home up to one of the marines sisters. This gal is young, 22, and she is separated from her husband that is getting ready to deploy. They also have a very handi cap child.

My home is open, and I have been driving them around and I have really gotten to know this gal, and I have a feeling we are going to be good friends.

Yesterday I asked Danaya, the friend, and Amber if they wanted to go to the lake. Everyone said yes except Danaya said " How can I take the baby down to the lake, we can't get her all wet, because of her feeding tube." I just laughed. I ended up making the baby a chair... out of sand.... and I shaded her with an umbrella. We had a blast.

Later that night I told Rusty that I am glad that we had Ryan because I am now able to share all of my own experiences and help this mom. Never in a million years would I have guessed that my life with Ryan would be able to help someone else, but it has.

I have spent the last few days rocking the baby, sewing and just cleaning up around the house. I love having a baby in the house.

Rocking a baby is the perfect past time. Life is so good

say it isent so

I have been hearing it on the news, and people on facebook are talking. Could it be true that summer is coming to an end? We are suppose to hit triple digits again this weekend, and I can't wait. Are we heading for a cool down after that? It has been a little cooler here, and I have enjoyed it sum what, but I am do not ready for summer to be over with.

This weekend we are heading down to Coronado island to watch some old school stock car racing, and then we are heading over to see some of the ships. Rusty wants to see one of the new aircraft carriers and I want to see the hospital ship. I guess we will have to see what is open for tours.

Yesterday Ryan came home and told us that his new running shoes made him run real fast for track. I just giggled. I am so glad that he is doing something that he likes. I can't wait to go to his first race.

I had to go to walgreens yesterday and I noticed a sigh that said shingles shot. I just looked at Rusty and said "is that because we will now have a generation that never got chicken pox?"

I had the chicken pox. I had them everywhere. I even ran a super high fever, but I survived. My mom really pushed me to get the girls the new chicken pox shot. I did not want to get it for them because I figured they could get the chicken pox the same way I did. Not to mention I don't immunize. Well with enough pressure I ended up getting the girls the shot, and now they are saying that the shot is only good for ten years. So what happens when all of these children grow up and become adults and they don't get the shot?

My life must be perfect because I have a kitten sleeping on my lap.

Today I am going to try to get some carpets cleaned, and I still need to do a good scrub down on my bathroom sink area. I have tonight's dinner done, so I am thankful for that.

Yesterday I made some homemade dog food for our older dog. For the past few weeks we have been buying her canned food, and that was getting expensive, so I went back to making it. When we first got Butter he was very thin and malnourished, so I made food for him and he did really well on it. So I am hoping that our older dog will also do as well.

The advantages of making the dog food is that it is so much cheaper and I do not have all these extra cans that are going into my recycling. Now I need to get online and figure out how to make wet cat food.

Well, I hate to wake a sleeping kitten, but I have stuff that I need to get done, so I better get up and get moving.

Life is good.