Friday, January 16, 2009

baby its cold here

Well, I am here. I am back in the house I grew in. I even slept in my old bedroom, with the aid of some sleeping pills!
The hell child is also here. I am being very civil. I am trying. I really am. The girls asked me do to my best to be nice because they don't know what they would do if they lost me.
O.K. I am trying. I did however pack my shirt that says " mean people need to be loved to!"
When I left San Diego yesterday it was 80 degree's. I loved it. I arrived into Chicago to cool -7. I called my mom and said "I am here and I have my bag. I will be the only fool standing on the curb wrapped up in a blanket!
My mom is out getting her done, and as soon as she walked out the door the phone started ringing.I don't even know what I am suppose to say to these people. I am the periodical child. I ran from here and never looked back. I don't even know any of these people.
My fathers relatives are now crawling out of the wood work. Growing up my cousins and I were thick as thieves. Over the years we have gone our own ways and started our own families and we all just lost touch. I thought that was normal.
My dad's youngest brother called the house last night, and it was strange to talk to him.
One of the girls said "mom you have cousins?" Yes I have cousins. My dad is from a big Irish Catholic family, they breed like jack rabbits! I guess tomorrow is going to be like a family reunion for me. It is a good thing I brought my camera!
I have been here less then 24 hours and I so want to go home. I want to sleep in my bed. I want to curl up with dog.
Am I suppose to cry? Everyone keeps asking me if I am o.k. Why wouldn't I be? My sister and I were not close and we both hated each other. We never called each other, we have never exchange e mails....nothing. She was just the other person that grew up here with me.
Maybe it hit me. Maybe one day I can lay all of my hate away, but right now I have not.
I called one of my girlfriends that lives about an hour south of my parents house, and I think they are going to come visit me. It will be nice to see them! I have never seen or held their baby, but she is not a baby anymore, she is three. I do hope that they come and visit me!
Today we have to go buy food to take to the funeral home. Some people have called and said that they are bringing some stuff in, but I guess we need more. We have more family coming in tonight. I am guessing that my ass is getting booted to the basement. I better go bring in some wood fire up the wood burning stove. That is the only source of heat down there. I guess all the years I spent splitting, stacking and carrying wood has paid off. This old girl still knows how to do all of that.
Oh crap I need to go try on the suit I brought. If it does not fit then I will have to go buy something today.


Kathryn Magendie said...

Just over here from Footprints place -love the idea of your living wall!

Small Footprints said...

Hey Kelli ... glad you made it to Chicago safely. Hope all goes well for you!

Thanks, again, for being a guest author on Reduce Footprints ... your article has posted and I think it's fabulous!

Take care!

Small Footprints

Indigo said...

It's an emotional boiling pot dear one. Maybe not now, someday you will mourn. Still being in the home you left, surrounded by people although relative, still strangers in a sense. It can be overwhelming. I'm still there for you dear one. Your in my thoughts my hippie sister. (Hugs)Indigo

a corgi said...

(((Kelli))) just remember that you want to make a lasting impression with some of these people you may never see again, you don't want to be known as that "psychotic sister from California"; it is only for a short period of time and then you can be back home (which by the way it is gorgeous today; the warmest its been all week, no I'm not rubbing it in). Really concentrate hard on trying to live a life of integrity while you are there; don't compromise but don't get dragged down by them either

coffee when you get back; yes!!! (well not right when you get back but after you get settled back in)

(((Kelli))) praying for you all!


Gerry said...

Glad you have made it back to Chicago and you seem to be holding up reasonably well. I know a lot of thoughts are stirred up and churning within your soul. I will be thinking of you throughout this ordeal, hoping that something good will come of it, too, perhaps a renewal of some family feelings that seemed all but dead. It sometimes becomes so hard to to try interject feeling when people have let all that go many years ago. I am so sorry for your sister that she did not know you in your later years and was close. She missed something special. Gerry

Tightening the Corset Again said...

Just thinking about you and wishing I could be there with you - despite the cold and having to be around strange relatives and sleeping with a wood burning stove - wish I could be there so you could vent... well, I guess I am! Loving you and praying for you!

Missie said...

I'm glad you made it there safely.

As far as your sister, even though you weren't close, she was still your sister. It's still a loss.

Paula said...

Thinking of you Kelli. Take care of yourself while you're there and have a safe trip home.

Indigo said...

You can bet the drums will be beating for you tomorrow...
thoughts of peace and love winging your way. (Hugs)Indigo

Melissa said...

i hate family reunions

Nelishia said...

I'm very glad you made it to Chicago. This story is starting to sound exactly like my own from when my father died. I hope you don't end up in the basement and having to split wood just to stay warm. Your emotions have to be all over the place. I'm here for you.

Chrissie said...

I know it's strange for you to be there and I'm so happy you're being nice. I hope you get to spend time with your friends that would be a nice touch to the trip.
Take care, Chrissie

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I am a stay at home mom. I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life. I keep it real here and I hold nothing back. My life is a roller coaster ride, so strap on your seatbelt.... here we go!