enough being lazy

The last few days I have been just like this cat. Lazy. Oh sure I have done stuff around here, but I have not gotten dressed or even brushed my hair.

Today I am going to get dressed and go for a walk. Maybe that is why I can't sleep at night. Because I really have not done anything that would require me get rid of energy.

I love the show 18 kids and counting. The are very opposite of me and how I parent, but I have learned a lot from them. Last night I watched the episode where they volunteered at an animal park.

You know I use to take my children everywhere. I use to seek out new and exciting things for them to do. Over the last 3 or 4 years I have become lazy. It is a little bit harder now that the girls are older and they have their own lives, but I need to put forth the effort to really expose them to new things and new ways of thinking.

I also need to do this with the marines. We have not taken a field trip in a while. I love taking the marines on field trips. I do often get sick of seeing them just hanging around the house and complaining that they are in California. I tell them that one of these day's when they are old and their grandchildren ask them what they did in California, and all they can say is nothing..... well that is going to be sad.

The other day I was reading the aaa magazine and they have a section called five worth the drive. So I am planning a field trip for everyone! I think we have about 20 people going, and it should be a blast. We will be going to a museum to see how Hollywood makes monsters from start to finish, and we will get to touch them and play with them. The marines like the fact that they get to play with Inspectors gadgets gadgets. It should be a good time for everyone.

This weekend I will be collecting the money for the tickets, and then we will be going to the museum around the first of June. We have to wait that long because most of the marines will be going to the field until then.

Something else I am doing to help me get out of my rut, is I am volunteering at our local national cemetery. They are doing something called a roll call, and they want to read the names of everyone that is laid to rest there. I will be reading from midnight to 1 A.M. on May 16. I will not be reading the names of my in laws, but I can dedicate the reading in their memory.

I am also starting a bucket book. I am using a simple notebook and I am writing down all the stuff that I have done in my life time. I am shocked at how much I have actually done. I am going to stash this notebook, so that way when I die my children will find it, and they will know that I lived a full life.

Today is another day, and I am going to get off my bum and go for a walk, and then do some stuff around here.

Life is good

how am I doing?

The other night I was counting to see how many lap quilts I had made for the shut In's. I was right on track, my goal was to have 12 done by December. I needed to get started on May's quilt. I have been doing the tie blankets, but I have not seen any fleece on sale, so I went to my material stash and realized that I had enough squares to make a lap quilt. I have been doing the tie blankets because I can sit in bed and tie while I watch t.v., but I needed to not spend money unless I really needed to.

My freezer is getting almost empty. I might be able to make it until Friday when Rusty gets paid. We can afford food, but once again I have been trying to use what we have. I must say that our meals are getting very creative, but that's o.k. because I have now gotten use to making do with what we have.

I am a material whore. I love material and I could buy it in bulk if I could afford it. I am proud to say that I have not bought any material since I started my no spending diet! I am really getting creative with my quilts, but that is o.k. I also went through my material stash and gave some away. I am down to one crate and it is not even a full crate. I am so proud of myself. I think I have enough material to get one or two more quilts done for the marines and then I will have to buy more material. I also found a ton of material that I bought in hopes of making a quilt for myself. I guess I will finally get around to making that quilt for myself.

Our weather here has been just crazy. Hot one week and then cold the next. I so wanted to turn on the air, but I stopped myself. It is way to early in the year for my electric bill to go up. So instead I packed everyone up and went to the lake to cool off.

This whole no spending diet is very easy. I knew I would do o.k. on this diet, but the whole diet has changed me. This diet has made me realize just how much I do have and just how much I can live without.

I am sure if I asked "older" people that would agree with me. I remember my grandmother reusing everything or just making do with what she had. America has become a nation of consumers and wasters. It still blows my mind that people buy stuff to use once and then they throw it away.

chili is done!

I am going to need to wake Nikki up soon because she has to go get her wisdom teeth removed today. Oh what a joy. I need to make sure I ask the doctor to give her a script for liquid pain killers. For whatever reason this child still cannot swallow a pill.

I put some chili in the crock pot and it smells so good. I love my crock pot and I don't understand why more people don't use them. Maybe I am just lazy.

Friday I went out and bought some new jeans and two new tops. This is a big deal for me because I hate shopping and I hate wasting money on myself, but I wanted to look nice for Rusty.

Yep. I put all of my feeling aside and I went to dinner with Rusty. My girls thought I was crazy and that I should not give in. The only thing that kept popping into my head was "Cesar's wife said be above reproach". Cesar's wife is right. i will do nothing that gives people the right to say anything bad about me.

I am glad I went. I ate dinner with Rusty but then I said "I am going to go hang out with Thelma and Grady, because I have not seen them in a while." Rusty was cool with that.

Thelma and Grady. Thelma was one of the first women to welcome to the post. She took me under her wing and showed me the ropes. Thelma has taught me so much. Grady is Thelma's husband and he is just a crack up.

About five years ago Thelma had a stroke, so she does not get out much. Her body is very weak, but her mind is still as sharp as a tack! Thelma use to be a no shit Rosie the riveter during WWII. She actually showed me a picture of her putting together aircraft.

Then Thelma asked me what I was doing on a certain day next month. I was puzzled. It turns out that our local national cemetery is looking for volunteers to read the names of all the service men and women who are berried there. Everyone is taking an hour shift. So I got the number from them and I am going to call and get more information on this. This sounds like something I can do. Something different. Something outside my box.

I finally have my grocery getter back! I love that car....even if I have to duck tape part of the dash board back together. That old car just keeps running and running, and I love it! I need to find the time to go get the front end aligned. We paid for a life time alignment, so I just need to get my bum down there. The guy that fixed my car told me that I will need a new power steering pump and a new top hose. Whatever. I told Rusty so he is going to get that fixed for me.

I also drug out some quilt tops that I was asked to do something with. A lady from the Wounded warrior battalion asked me to take some of the smaller quilt top and piece them together to make bigger quilts. This is a lot easier said then done, but they are now on my list of things to do.

Yesterday I just did some stuff around here. I got my bathroom scrubbed down. I want to know how come I sweep up a ton of hair, and yet I still have a very full head of hair? Who knows, all I do know it that my bathroom now sparkles. Why am I in such a scrub down mood?

I also made the girls go through all of their clothes and get rid of anything that does not fit or that they have not worn. Between the two of them they must have pulled out 3 laundry baskets full of stuff. Here is a question for the universe. How is it that we get rid of so much stuff, yet we still have so much crap.

I have a space in the garage that is marked for a yard sale. I don't think I have enough for a big yard sale, but I may throw everything out there and just take what I can get for it. I just want this stuff gone! LOL

I need to go pack up some stuff to take with us. At least it will give me something to do while Nikki is getting her teeth removed.

Who needs a shrink. I have you guys!

Well. That is about all I can say right now. At least I don't have a hangover. Not that I ever do get them, but at least my head is not pounding!

Lynn, you are right. I need to change something, but what. I have thought about going back to work. I even called my old boss today, but he does not have any work right now.

I also need to have Nikki get her drivers licence, so she can start driving herself around. I need to find a back up sitter for Ryan, so if I am working and the girls aren't here, someone will be here with Ryan.

Today I am going to wake all the boys up and have them get this house cleaned up. I have a blanket to finish, and not to much else to do. I would like to go to the lake, but right now it is overcast, and my girls are still burnt. O.K. they are not burnt any more, the blisters have popped and now they are starting to heal. I just need to make sure that I keep them covered.

Rusty and still are not talking. I guess we will figure everything out at some point. Yesterday Rusty asked me to go with him to a dinner that he has to go to tonight. I never did give him an answer. I really don't want to go. Part of me says I should go because it would be the polite, correct, or nice thing to do. I just don't know that I really want to go. We will see how my day goes.

I guess I could go get dressed and start my day, but I am wondering if anyone would notice if I just lived in my jammies?

drinking and blogging

So here I sit. I am getting ready to go get my third wine cooler. Yep I am drinking. They that alcohol is a truth serum, so I guess everything I am about to say is the truth.

Tonight just sucked. Rusty and I were going to go see Kenny Rogers tonight, but when we got to the box office they were sold out. I love Kenny Rogers. Every year my dad would take me to a Kenny Rogers concert. I just love Kenny Rogers. Tonight I did the hair and the make up, and I even put on my dads watch. I thought I would take a little piece of my dad with me.

Nope. No concert for me. I did however get the worst meal I had ever eaten. My heart was just crushed. We have known about this concert for over a month. I could kick myself for not booking the tickets sooner. To be honest I was hoping Rusty would do it for me. You know a little surprise that said "Hey I am thinking of you". Then when Rusty brought it up yesterday, I was a little excited.

How silly am I. Silly me thought that I would have a good time without my children. Silly me. I know better then to dream and have hopes.

So here I sit tonight. Drinking. I told Rusty that maybe my grandmothers, my father and my sister may have had it right. Drink, and then you can't feel any pain. I think they are right. Right now I can feel anything.

I said a lot of other things to Rusty. It mad him mad and he went for a walk. I wish he would have talked to me, but he didn't. I guess that is what happens when you speak from your heart.... you make people mad at you.

Note to self: never tell anyone how you really feel because it will only hurt them.

I hope that my girls realize that the world is their oyster. I hope that they do not settle down and become mom's. I hope that they live their life on the edge, doing everything that they want. I can't say that to my children, but I so want to.

I am so disgusted with my life. I hate it. I am a wife, a mom, and a short order cook. That is all that I am. Nothing more and nothing less. I live a life that will never be written about. I live a life in these four walls. It is very unfulfilled and very stagnant.

I would love to run away and go live with the lions in Africa. I would love to go Ireland and see where my grand parents are from. These are just dreams, and we all know that dreams don't come true. I would love to click my heals and to be able to go someplace fabulous, but I live in the real world.

Here in the real world I can't run away and hide from anything. I am stuck facing everything head on. Even if I don't want to.

I feel as if I have a heavy cloth of sadness hanging on me. I just can't get out from under it. Maybe this is me losing yet another part of me. I stopped dreaming big, but I was hoping for this small thing to happen, and yet it never did. So, maybe this is me mourning the lose of hope for the little things.

If you lose hope what do you have left?

I am so sick of giving to other people. I sick of people asking me to do things, and I do it, but they can't do the simple things for me. People often just push me to the side. I feel as if they are saying "Oh, it is just Kelli. She is so easy going, she won't mind if I blow her off."

Note to self: don't ask people to do anything for you. Then you won't be disappointed when they let you down.

A few weeks ago I told Rusty that I wanted to put a bullet in my head. He did not take me seriously. At that moment in time I really did want to do it. I sometimes think that my husband and children would be better off without me. Lets face it. All I do is cook, clean, and sew. They can hire someone to do that for them. Don't worry, I am not going to kill myself. I am just wondering what's the point? Is there a point to life?

Maybe my world will look brighter in the morning. Right now it looks o.k. If I had not drank all the wine coolers maybe it would look better.

Nikki's birthday.

I just can't believe that my baby girl turned 17 yesterday! She just can't be that old, because that would mean that I am getting older.

Nikki had an o.k. birthday. Nikki Chris and Amber were headed up to Disney since Nikki got in free on her birthday. However Chris and Amber had tickets that some marines had given them. The people at Disney would not let them in the gate because those tickets were suppose to be used by the military and none of them had an i.d. card.

Rusty and I got Nikki a new digital camera for her birthday and she really liked that. So now both of the girls have their own camera and I won't have to listen to them fight over one camera.

Most of the marines came up to say Happy Birthday to Nikki and they spoiled her, but I guess that is what big brothers are for.

Yesterday was also earth day. I always want to go out and do something for earth day, but I feel that I should be at home with Nikki. I did however make it a green day for all of us, and I think that is what important.

I don't have to much to do today. The laundry is started, and the kitchen is cleaned up. Rusty took the day off work because he has to go to a funeral. Rusty did not ask me to go with him, so I did not volunteer. I can't stand to hear the sound of the 21 gun salute.

Yesterday I chewed out these two girls. One of the marines is seeing one of the girls and the other girl is Chris's sister. They just walked into the house and went straight up to Nikki's room. I just stood there looking at them. I could not believe what I just saw. I finally went up there and I found them covering Nikki's room in streamers and balloons. I asked what they were doing, and they said "Well we thought it would be fun to decorate Nikki's room". I very calmly said "What you are doing is making a mess that she has to clean up tomorrow. If you wanted to do something nice for her then why not clean her bathroom? By the way I find it very disrespectful that you think you can just walk in here and do whatever you want." The girls just looked at me and said "sorry." I said "Sorry does not cut it." and then I just walked away.

I am at my breaking point with people. There are a few marines that I am going to tell not to come back, and I hope I never see these girls again. I am sick of being the kind person.

The first load of laundry is done, so I better go get it hung up to dry.

another awesome weekend.

When you live near a lake it is a given that you are going to be spending a lot of time there, and that is what we did this weekend!

Last weekend a guy was walking his pit on the beach and he approached us and asked if our dogs minded other dogs. We said no, so he let his dog go. Our dogs swam and played catch for a few hours. The dogs so love to be out there in the water. I was really impressed with how well his dog was trained, and it made me realize that I have a lot more training to do with my dog. This guy showed up Saturday and Sunday as well. It is so nice to see these dogs just out there playing and having a good time. I love meeting fellow dog lovers.

After this guy and his dog left, another couple approached us and asked if our dog played well with others. I said yes, and kept throwing the ball. So this couple lets their dog go, and he attacks our dog! I must say that I am very proud of our dog, because he grabbed that other dog and shoved his head under water. LOL I know I should not laugh, but hey it was funny. This couple did apologize, and they said that their dog was not very socialized. I strongly suggested that they teach him how be social before they take him to a public beach. People!

A new marine showed up at our house this weekend. His name is John and he is from Alaska. It was so much fun talking to him, and getting to know him. John said that he has only been in Cali for 9 months and he is not sure if he likes it or not. So I said "You pick a Saturday and we will go out. I will take you to places that will blow your mind, and all it will cost us is lunch and gas money." He said it was a deal. I can't wait to show this kid around.

My girls got a little to much sun this weekend, so I will need to keep them covered. I have some stuff that I need to get done around here. I have a ton of boxes that I need to go through and get them out for someone else to use. I also have a ton of laundry to get done, so I guess that will be my excuse to stay out of the sun for a few day's.

I have gone around and gathered up all of our old computer parts. Our local outlet mall is having a computer recycling day, in honor of earth day, so this is perfect for me! I won't have to pay to take them down to the recycling center, and I will be doing a little something for the environment. I really want to check and see what other earth day events are going on around here.

Our daughter Nikki was born on earth day, and she is finally getting into earth day. For a very long time she never wanted to celebrate earth day because it was her birthday. This year she is thinking that she wants to go plant a tree! I love this child.

I am off to start my day.

eco friendly Friday

Here it is another Friday.

There has been nothing exceptional about week. No new green things to do or try. I took all my bags with me, and I have planned on making my own laundry soap this weekend.

I did take a quilt up to a marine. His quilt is green. I made it with fabric that someone gave me, and I used the bamboo batting. I even used a flannel sheet to back it with.

So what do you write about when your life has been eco dull? Nothing.

Then one of the marines called me and said “Mom I bought you a bear. I saw it and it made me think of you, so I bought it for you!” Am I that scary first thing in the morning that you see a bear and think of me? She goes on “Mom this bear is so cute and soft and best of all it is made from recycled plastic! Mom this thing is so cool.” O.K. now I am interested!

Stuffed animals made out of plastic bottles? How cool is that? So this morning I got on line and started looking for these animals. Sure enough there is a place that makes stuffed animals from plastic bottles.

Now I am not a stuffed animal person, and my children are way past that stage, but I had to book mark the page because I thought these little guy’s would make a perfect baby gift! This company even has a line of bears for graduation.

Fuzz That Wuzz! Stuffed Animals Made From Recycled Plastic Bottles
Thu, Mar 5, 2009
Everything Baby, Playing
They aren’t available just yet, but Mary Meyer’s new Fuzz That Wuzz! collection is worth waiting for. Not only are these stuffed animals a cute additon to any child’s room, but they’re also easy on the environment. The outer fabric and the stuffing are both high-quality polyester fiber made from 100% recycled plastic PET bottles. Each toy — from Antlerzzz Moose to the Big Pawzz Bear — will keep 10 plastic bottles out of landfills. As the website acknowledges, it’s not enough, but it’s certainly a start.
Look for the Fuzz That Wuzz! collection this Spring. Till then, have a close-up look at all of the animals here.eco baby, fuzz that wuzz, recycled toys

Then that link took me to an ad for another link. Organic shoes. What? They make organic shoes that are stylish and won’t fall apart the first time you wear them? To top it all off they are reasonably priced and they are from Payless!

If you have been around my blog for a while you know that I am a cheap person so seeing the ad for these shoes was awesome!

Payless Shoes today announced the launch of a new eco-friendly brand called Zoe & Zac. The new line is mostly for adult women, but also features three girl’s shoes, as well as a range of jewelry and socks — all available for under $30 each.
The Zoe & Zac products are green because they are made from eco-friendly components and materials such as organic cottons and linen, natural hemp, recycled rubber outsoles, eco-friendly-EVA cushioning, and water-based glues for the shoes. Natural materials like dyed Tagua and Acai nuts are incorporated into the jewelry. The product packaging is eco-smart as well, utilizing 100 percent recycled shoe boxes and soy-based inks for the printing.
In celebration of the launch, Payless will also be participating in The Nature Conservancy’s Plant a Billion Trees campaign. The company will donate $1 — the cost to plant one tree — for every Zoe & Zac green brand item sold through May 4 and on every Payless exclusive reusable shopping bag sold throughout the year. The Nature Conservancy hopes this effort helps them reach their goal to plant 1 billion trees by 2015 to help rebuild the Atlantic Forest in Brazil.

So in my week of nothing new I have learned of two new products that are good for the earth and my pocketbook. These are two very simple things that we can all do and it will make a huge impact on the environment. Remember that we vote with our wallets, so make sure to buy only earth friendly products when you can.

twisted and tired.

Life often happens when I am not looking. That is what has happened to me the last few days.

Yesterday Rusty called me and asked if I would be willing to move to Vegas next summer. I said yes lets go! Then I jumped on line and looked at housing out there. It is so cheap compared to California! I even found a no kill shelter that I do foster care at.

Today I headed to 29 palms to say good bye to another marine. I hate this damn war and I hate sending boy's to fight it. That does not matter. I packed up three quilts and headed out.

I met Rusty at the hotel and then we had crazy hot sex in his hotel room before heading to the base. You have to love sex in a hotel room!

We picked up the marine and his friend and we went to dinner. We had Italian. It was so good. I even bought the under aged marine a beer. O.K. actually it was two beers. I don't care. If you are old enough to fight for this country then you are old enough to have a damn beer.

Our friend brought one of his buddies to dinner. This kid was interesting! His family immigrated to America when he was just two years old. Our conversation over dinner was just light and funny. Then I had to take the boy's back to base.

Once we got there I gave our friend his quilt. I said "I hope this keeps you warm and please know that this quilt was made with love." Then I handed his friend a tie blanket. These two boy's were just in shock that someone would do this for them. I still had one blanket left, so Rusty grabbed a marine and asked when he was leaving. We gave him a blanket as well. I have never in my life seen that marine before and will probably never see him again, but got one of my tie blankets.

The conversation leaving base was mainly me talking and Rusty listening. I guess I was thinking out loud and before I knew it, it was to late to shut up.

I told Rusty that a move to Vegas would be good for our family. That is one part of the country that I have not explored very much. It may also be bringing me step closer to crossing something off my bucket list. I want to white water raft through the grand canyon!

I told Rusty how I cried on my way up to 29 Palms and how much I hated the marine corps and how much I hated this damn war. My mood changed a little bit after I spent some time with the boy's. One of the boy's kept saying thank you for dinner, thank you for supporting us. That made me feel good, but it also made me feel sad.

I guess I never really knew how I had impacted the marines. Tonight it was brought to the front of my mind. I asked Rusty what would happen to our boys if we moved to Vegas? Who would do their laundry, welcome them home, cook for them and drive for 5 hours just to have dinner with them? Who will fill my shoes?

I guess my friend was right when she said that I had found my purpose. I know that if we move to Vegas I will find my purpose again. I will miss my boys and I will always wonder who is filling my shoes.

I am going to go crawl into bed and sleep tight. Life has a way of working itself out. I so want to cry for the boy's that are leaving, but my tears will not bring them back. Besides, this weekend we are having a going away party for one of the marines who is getting out.

Life and time move on.

Why bother?

Years ago when I was a young mom I told my mom that I wanted to come home for Christmas. My mom told me to go make a life for myself and my children, and that my home is wherever my children are.

At the time I hated my mom. I just wanted my children to have a Christmas. Now I don't hate her for that statement. I did just what she said, I went and made a life for my children and I. O.K. I made a life for my children.

At this point in time I do not like where my life is. I am in a place that is sucking the life out of me.

I am trying to help Chris make some hard decisions, but I did not sign up for this. I said I would help him out where I could. Instead I am sitting here helping this young move ahead with his life. No easy task there. I would love to go smack his parents for not teaching this child any street smarts.

I am slowly draining what little stash of money I did have. I am so sick of paying Ambers cell phone and paying for her car insurance. If her phone was not under our name I would have just let that bill go. But I can't do that. This child needs to get a job.

Nikki's world has spinning worse then anything I have ever seen. Between a youth pastor that won't do anything, to trips being changed at the last minute, to new and exciting doors opening for her. Oh and she got an awesome job! I never agreed to ride the Nikki tornado, yet I am sitting front and center waiting for something else to drop on me!

Rusty said I have three trip planned for this summer. I have to go to Portland, Washington and Kodiak Alaska. I immediately said, I am going to Alaska with you. I want to see Elle and I want to soak up some of the Alaska beauty. Maybe I can find someone to show me around the island? Yesterday that dream was crushed. I looked at the price of tickets to Alaska and there is no way my stash will even cover the ticket.

I have a separate bank account that I stash money in, it is also the bank where child support is suppose to be deposited. The child support has stopped coming in and the account is slowly being drained. If I could afford the ticket to Alaska we would not be able to feed me or do anything else. Sure I would have a free hotel room, because Rusty's company would pay for his but I want to do stuff while I was in Alaska.

Last night I just cried as I watched the deadliest catch. I know that I will not be able to see the beauty of Alaska for a long time.

Another thing I planned for this summer was to road trip with my girlfriend and her triplets. My girlfriend Sonja is getting stationed at 29 Palms and I was going to help her drive from Iowa to California. That also has been squashed like a bug. Now Sonja's mom wants to road trip out here. It looks like I have another dull summer ahead of me.

I have been looking for a big cat rescue group in our area. I would like the opportunity to work with some big cat's, maybe foster some babies for them? Rusty said no, but it was not the firm no that would say "I mean it". I can't even find a big cat rescue in our area, and yet we have have mountain lions and bob cat's all over out here.

Thursday I am heading to 29 Palms to take a quilt to a marine that is leaving. I actually have two tie blankets done, so I am also going to take them up as well. I will give the extra's out to two marines. Why has this become my job? Why is it my job to love, sew, cook, and cry over these marines. I hear people say that you should cut stress out of your life, and yet more marines keep showing up here.

Is this the life I have made for myself? A life of sitting on the sidelines and watching everyone else go have a life? Here in a few years it will be time to redefine my life once again.

A dear friend keeps telling me that I need to get out and get a life. That I should stop helping my children reach for the star's and start reaching for the stars myself. She is right, but I don't want to speak her right now, because I know that she is right.

I know someday the girls will leave and make a life for themselves. That should be the time for me to start a new life. A life that is centered around me. A life that allows me to do what I want.

But I still have Ryan.......

not their job.

I must say that we had a nice weekend.

On Friday we got a box from my mom and she told me to not let the children open it until Easter. Rusty asked me what was in the box and I said " I have no idea. It is my mom's futile way of trying to buy us."

So on Easter morning I let the children open it. It was a wii. A wii. The children looked at it and went back to whatever they were doing. One of the marines looked at me and said "I guess you were right."

Most children would be happy with a wii. For my children it was more like... i don't know. Around Christmas time I told my mom to not buy my children a wii. I knew that they would not play with it. Then the girls got wind that my mom bought hell child one. This whole mess is not about the damn wii. It is about being treated as an equal.

The marines ended up playing with the wii! LOL

Yesterday we all went down to the lake, We even took the dog's. I have not taken them down to the lake in a very long time. Our dog Butter did not do that good at the lake the last time we took him, but yesterday he did great! He swam and played catch for almost two hours! Even ignored all of the other dogs that were on the beach. I guess age and training have really paid off for him. By the time we got home, the dogs just fell over. What? Our dogs are out of energy? That is a first.

I managed to get four pet quilts completely done, but I have more to do. Then on Thursday we are heading up to 29 Palms to deliver 3 more quilts. My little fingers are being worked to the bones, but I would not have it any other way.

Rusty informed me yesterday that he had to go to 29 Palms for another sale. I am getting so use to these trips that it does not even bother me any more. Let's face it. That means I don't have to cook meat, and I get the remote to myself! What more could a girl ask for?

Over the weekend two of the marines gave me tickets to Disney. So here I am with two Disney tickets. So I was thinking about who would use them. I was going to try to get three more tickets. That way Amber and Leeroy, Nikki and Chris, and then Ryan could go. I thought this way the girls could split the day one each of them would only have Ryan for half a day.

Nikki was then checking into the whole get in free on your birthday thing when I mentioned my idea to her. Nikki just looked at me and said "If we go up there for my birthday I am not taking Ryan."

I just walked away. I was kinda hurt by that statement, but the other side of me was not. It is not the girls responsibility to take Ryan to Disney. It is mine and Rusty's. I wanted the girls to take him because I know that he will have more fun with the girls then with Rusty and I. Rusty and I can't ride any of the rides so........

I guess I will just wait and see how this whole things play out.

I am hoping for some sun today. I would really like to be able to catch some more ray's.

eco friendly Friday!

I hate laundry. I do more laundry then any one person has a right to do. The sad thing is I have the big duet washer and dryer, so you might think that would cut down on the amount of laundry that I do. Wrong.

There are five of us living here. That means five outfits a day. I do make everyone wear their jeans twice. We also have six beds and seven sets of bedding. Hubby and I may now be sleeping in one bed but we have separate covers. I have twelve throw rugs that I have to wash every week, and that is if they make it to rug changing day. Then all of our furniture is covered with sheets. So that is an extra four sheets a week, if they don’t get dirty before the week is up. If I have a litter of kittens they use enough bedding to make another load of laundry every day.

None of this includes the laundry that the marines bring over and that they so kindly stack in the laundry room.

I go to the store and I buy laundry soap in bulk, I prefer the liquid, so I look for the biggest and cheapest thing I can find. The cheap stuff is now getting expensive! For a women who runs her machines none stop I had to find something to help cut back on the amount I was spending on laundry soap.

I also don’t like traditional laundry soap’s because most of them are petroleum based. I really don’t need oil to wash my clothes in. The all natural products are much more expensive, so I don’t buy them as often as I should.

Then my girlfriend mentioned that she made her own laundry soap. So I asked her to send me the directions. It looked really easy! O.K. this is cheaper than buying laundry soap and it is a heck of a lot more natural.

So I started investigating. I was holding my breath as I showed Rusty the videos. I was not sure how my uneco husband would react to this. He said this looks easy, more natural then what we are using and if it saves us some money then let’s goes for it.

Off to wal mart I go. I found the borax and the zote, no problem. I could not find the washing soda anywhere! So, I investigated a little more. Washing soda is sodium carbonate, and you can buy that at a pool supply shop or at wal mart.

Now I had to ask Rusty if he thought we could use this in the dish washer. The soap has no suds and it is natural, so Rusty said to give it a shot. Note: I think my dish washer gets just as much use as my washing machine, but that is another blog.

I think that making the homemade is going to be a great solution for me. I can make it in bulk, pay less, it is a heck of a lot more natural, and most of all I won’t have to purchase any more plastic jugs!

Let’s not forget that we all need to wash our clothes in cold water. The biggest expense in washing clothes is heating the water! If everyone would just wash an extra load on cold it would save so much energy.

Please check out all the following links. I have a few videos on how to make laundry soap and with a few different ingredients and there is also a video on how to make powdered laundry soap.

http://www.thefamilyhomestead.com/laundrysoap.htm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndUlR7-CUG4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5IOfUaMqr-E&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PNA8cyvrBB0&NR=1

up and moving

I get so many compliments on this top. I bought this top at a yard sale for fifty cent. All of the needle work is hand done and the top and sleeves are done on a machine. Someone was selling off grandmas handi work. I just love the traditional Mexican style clothing.

Tonight is opening night for Nikki's Easter pageant. I can't wait to see it! She has been working so hard, so I am sure that her hard work will pay off.

Yesterday Nikki and hit a thrift store to buy a few things that she needed for the pageant. I ended up finding 4 old hat pin's! Nikki for this box that she wanted, so I bought it and gave it to Ryan to give to Nikki on her birthday. I just love finding deals at thrift stores!

Now my question is... how to use the hat pins. I have done some research on them and I know they are long because the women use to use them to hold their hair to the hat. I am wondering If I can use the pins without a hat? I am also wondering where I can find some hats like they had in the 20's. HMMM. I actually thought about looking to see if they made a pattern for those hats and then actually making myself one. Then the thought left me. I don't have time to sew for myself.

Nikki's boyfriend, Chris, is talking to a recruiter. The sad reality of his life is that he does not have a lot of options left. Rusty and I sat down and talked to Chris, and we just laid everything out for him. The sad reality is that no one cares that he is homeless in high school. It is up to Chris to make a name and a life for himself. I am glad that he listened to some of what we had to say. So Chris is looking into going into the military get some sort of job skills, and then going to college once he gets out of the service.

My stacks of laundry are calling me. I also have to go buy something to cook for dinner. I have often wondered why I buy food. All that happens is that we eat the food, poop and then use toilet paper. Anyway, I have another day waiting to greet me.

A mind of her own

For most of my parenting years I have been very liberal, very open minded, and very closed mouth on some subjects.

I have been criticized for not making my children go to school, not giving them a curfew, letting boyfriends spend the night, and the list is endless. I have very different views on parenting then what people consider right and acceptable.

I talk with my children about everything. I don't know why I just do. So yesterday when Amber posted an abortion video on face book it took me a while to process.

Abortion is not something that Amber and I really talked about. I do know that Nikki is against it, but I never really knew where Amber stood on the subject. I now know. To me it is more then just her reaction to the video it was also a sign that my daughter has learned compassion.

How do you teach that? Did you tell them to look the word up and hope that the definition will explain it? Do you spend hours trying to give examples in hope's that your children will finally get what you are talking about?

I never really knew I was teaching compassion all these years, but Amber must have been watching me. She has watched me feed the homeless, hug children that other people would not touch, bottle feed cat's, sew for the shelters.... the list goes on. Did I succeed in teaching compassion by my actions? Do all of my actions speak louder then words?

In this case I have. I have taught compassion by doing the right thing and taking my children along for the ride. I guess I did not mess them up to much.

What to do first?

I have a lot that I need to get done today. I must finish a quilt this week. I have a ton of pet quilts to get quilted. I have to go to wal crap and get a cart full of stuff, but I am sitting here. Unmotivated to do anything.

I so do not want to sew any more quilts for the marines. It has just gotten way out of hand, but I have a feeling I will keep doing it. The quilt I need to finish is for a marine that is leaving in just a few weeks. This marine holds a special place in Ambers heart. Amber and Nikki both knew this marine when he was very young. I even have pictures of him with the girls when they were about 8,7, and 6. Life is strange and everything comes full circle.

I laughed my bum off when Amber said "mom you are not going to believe this, but John is a marine and is not stationed out at 29 palms." Then one weekend when John came up here we had to bust out the old pictures of him. Amber reminded him how much he use to pick on the girls. The girls are no longer girls but young ladies and I wonder if he ever could have seen his life coming back to meet up with our lives.

So I am going to sew my bum off, and then make a special trip to 29 palms just to deliver this quilt. I am going to go make a memory.

One of my foster kittens is here visiting me. It is so neat to see him growing up. He is still playful and just as handsome as ever. I am going to have to love on him a lot today before his momma comes and gets him.

My coffee pot took a crap this morning. Rusty told me to go buy a new one, not a used one. Whatever. He should just be happy that I am not busting out my Pyrex peculator that goes on the stove! I love that peculator, but Rusty say's that I need to get with the times. He so does not understand my fetish with old dishes. The old stuff just works better.

My ear still hurts, but it is not that bad. I am still using the wax drops and I am flushing the ear, and then conning. Yesterday I pulled a HUGE ball of wax out. I want to know how the doctor defines small. He said I had a small ball of wax impacted in my ear. Really? Small? I wish that ball of wax had been small! I can't wait to hear out of my ear again!

Well I should get moving. Everyone is on spring break this week. So I would like to get some stuff done and then maybe go have a beach day.

OFF the list!

Wednesday night I continued to bite everyone's head off. I was just so mad!

Then I called one of the marines and asked him if his mom got in o.k. It turns out that his mom did come in, but his leave was denied. So I offered to take his mom out and show her around.

I got up early Thursday morning and headed south. The marines mom name is Becky and we hit it off from the get go. Our first stop was del mar beach on Camp Pendleton. Now the marines think this is crappy place to go, but I love this beach.

Becky and I walked on the beach and this was the first time she got to see the marines doing training exercises. She thought it was so neat to see them driving vehicles in and out of the water.

Then we walked over to this little cove and I was telling Becky that if we are lucky we will be able to see some seals playing in the water. We did not see any seals, but we did see baby sting ray! I have never seen baby sting ray swimming in their own environment. It was so cool!

Then we met met up with some of the marines for lunch and then we were off to finish our adventure. I started driving this long road through base. When all of a sudden we saw an ncis sign. So without using any brakes I pulled into the parking lot so we could get our pictures taken under the sign. I am not a huge ncis fan, but hey, I had never had my picture taken in front of one either.

Back on the road we come across an old tank on the side of the road. We had to pull off there and get a picture with the tank. That was when the police showed up. The officer told us that we were not allowed to take a picture of the tank. O.K. so we were getting ready to leave when the officer say's, "If you take the pictures while my back is turned I won't see a thing." He hurried up and got our pictures and jumped back in the car.

Our next stop was San Onfre beach. Yep, I took Becky to a world famous surfing beach. This beach has a ton of rocks, and sand, so it is really different. We spent so much time just walking and picking up sea shells. I found a bone. I have found bones before this time I decided to bring on home. The sand water had polished it so nicely. Becky thought it was neat to see all the shells of the lobsters. I was hoping to find some that were alive, because that would have been dinner!

We were off again. Becky wanted to see a mission while she was out here, so I took her to the mission at San Juan Capistrano. Becky was like a little school girl, she was just so giddy. The gardens around the mission were in full bloom and they were very fragrant! I have been to the mission before and I often just drive right past it and think nothing of it, but to Becky this was a dream come true.

Our next stop was going to be the water fall's and then the look out. However the road we have to take to get there is a two lane road through the mountain. There was an accident some place up there, so the road was closed.

So we just headed home. Becky's son and a friend met us at the house. On the menu for dinner was ham sandwiches. Then Becky and I crashed!

Friday we were up and st it bright and early. Becky's daughter and granddaughter were flying in. So once again we headed south. We got to San Diego with some time to kill, so I took Becky over to the coast guard station. Someone put up a nice porch swing, so Becky and I just sat there watching all the sail boats go by.

Once we picked up her daughter and granddaughter we headed down to Point Loma to play on the cliffs, and to tour the old light house. Amber and a few other marines met us down there, so we all had a blast.

Becky's grand daughter's name is Kelly, so I took Kelly by the hand we headed out to explore. It was so neat to watch this child's face light up. There were so many first for her, and it was just neat to see the wonder in her eyes.

I walked up to a high point and I was looking for whales. I have never seen the wales migrate. I did not see any wales, but I did see more seal's. This was a very special treat for everyone else. There is just something so neat about seeing animals in their natural environment.

I am so glad that I took the time and the opportunity to show some new friends around. I have visited all of these places several times, but I had a blast showing them my "back yard".

I told Becky that on her next trip out here we will go explore the desert. She said that she is looking forward to it.

Here are a few items I can cross off my bucket list. The funny thing is... I did not know they were on it!

1. saw a sting ray....in the ocean and not in a tank

2. had my picture taken with the ncis sign

3. Had my picture taken with a tank

4. brought home bone

5. sat on a swing and watched sail boats go by.

Life is good!

please tell me

Will someone please tell me that everything that has happened to me is just a huge April fools joke.

I woke up this morning at 3 a.m. with my ear just pounding off my head. O.K. time to go to the doctors. I hate doctors and I have been trying everything to get rid of this ear problem.

I call the doctor only to find out that they have no appointments until Friday. I ask the very hateful lady on the other end of the phone if she would happen to know of an urgent aid that would take my insurance. I was told to google it. This should have been my first clue that this day would suck.

I finally find one and I head out. Once I got there I found out that my deductible has shot back up to over to over $1,000. I called my case worker and of coarse he did not answer,so I called the guy from the state. He did not answer, but he at least returned my phone call. I have to file yet another appeal with the state! By now my whole head is pounding. Whatever I will pay for the visit.

The doctor comes in and looks in my ear. Yep it is clogged. It is so impacted that he can't even see my ear drum. What? I have been coning for several week's and I keep pulling a ton of shit out. So he gives me a script for some stuff to help soften the ear wax, so I can cone some more. Fine. give me the damn script.

I go out to the car and I call Rusty. I am now pissed and sore. I ever so rudely ask him if has heard anything from the VA. I knew the answer to that before I asked the question.

I am off to wal crap. I drop off the script and ask the Asian dude who speaks no English how much this will coast me. He tell's me $5 and it will be an hour before it is ready. Fine. I walk around wal crap and grab everything that I need, and I head back to get my script. I got behind two ladies that could not find their insurance cards, because it was in their hand! Oh dear Lord, my ear is going to pop off my head.

I finally get up to the counter, And the nice Asian dude is hiding behind the counter. The lady then tells me that they don't have my script because I can buy the stuff over the counter! Why in the hell didn't that Asian dude tell me that! I hate wal crap and I just spent an hour walking around looking at all the crap!

I get in the car and I head back to our side of the lake. I call the state board of appeals and of coarse it is all in Spanish. I keep pressing zero, praying that someone who speaks English answers. Oh they answered and they gave the number for the English speaking people. So I call them only to find out that they are closed! By now I am banging my head on the steering wheel.

O.K. I have to go to the bank and get the money to pay our rent. Then I can't remember if I called Rusty or if he called me but I gave him an ear full. I am done. Done. I don't have any fight left.

I have to cancel the appointment to new glasses, and for the new ultra sound, and to see the doctor. Done. I am just so done.

My damn ear still hurts and I am so beaten and worn down. I am going to go crawl into bed and pull the covers up over my head. Maybe tomorrow will be better. Maybe tomorrow I will have some fight again.