it's not good to think this much

Let's see dinner is done, and Amber is finishing cleaning up the kitchen. Ryan is watching t.v. and Rusty is watching whatever it is that Rusty watches.



I am sitting here alone at the keyboard. I do have a kitten sharing the chair with me, but that is to be expected.



Today I did some research. That is something that I should have never done. I am finding out that a swollen belly, and looking pregnant is normal. The chemo will take care of that.



Chemo? I don't want chemo. I want my plumbing removed and that is it.



Will Rusty love me if I lose all of my hair? Rusty has always said that he loves my curls. What will he play with durning sex? Is a bald women sexy?



Will the girls be ashamed to be seen with me even more then they are now?



How will I explain all of this to Ryan?



Oh I need some Starbucks.



I am still waiting on my insurance to get approved. Then I have to find a doctor. Then , then, then. I swear the list is endless.



So here is my game plan.



1. Spend time with my friends this weekend.

2. On Monday I will start the great doctor hunt.

3. Keep everything as normal as I can for Ryan.

4. Most of all I will not loose my sense of humor.



So lets have some humor. Today I saw my friend Linda and she is Cancer survivor. So we were talking and I showed her my belly. I said "You know if I am going to have stuff leaking into my body and making me swell can't it go to my boobs?"



I told Rusty that I was going to buy a maternity shirt shat said baby and has an arrow. This way I could get front parking like all the other pregnant women.



My Friends should be landing soon. Life is good.