Tuesday, October 21, 2008

this morning

So here I sit this morning. My coffee is hot and my feet are cold. Yes I have big fuzzy socks on. My family has been making me think. I don't like to think to much.

Amber is seeing and Army guy. Army? With a dad who is a Marine? Why? Why would this child want to date someone in the service. Has she not seen my heart break? Has she not gotten up one morning to find all of her fathers bags packed and sitting by the door? Why would she date someone in the service. I want better for my child. I want her to have a better life then what the military can give her.

However, I can not say of this to her. It is not my place to tell her not to date him. I just hope her heart does not get broken when he leaves for Iraq in a few weeks.

Nikki has to go see her teacher today. Nikki is really struggling with math. It is sad to say that my daughters math level has passed me up. I can't help her. As a parent I feel dumb. I guess that is how it is suppose to be. We always want our children to do better then we did.

I had to call Ryan's teacher today. They have not given him a calculator yet. I have waited to see if they would get off their asses and do what his iep says, but they didn't.

I was assured that this would be taken care of today. I guess I just can't figure this out. There are only five children in his class. How hard is it look at five children's files. California has has some of the highest paid teachers, and yet I think we have some of the laziest.

Rusty has been on my mind a lot. I wonder how he is holding up with everything that is going wrong with me. I know that he is scared and worried, but I can't change that. I know that he must want sex, but I have no sex drive at all. Not that I feel well enough to have sex anyway.

I am only 38 and I want to have sex. Is that to much to ask for?

Today I am going to call my case worker and see how long it will take to get my medical approved. I know the case worker said that it would take a while, but I just want to keep my name fresh in his mind. My medical bills are rolling in and right now we are up to about $10,000. I have not shown them to Rusty. That is just one more thing that he would worry about.

All of this may be going on, but so does my life. So I better get busy and get into a shower and start my day.


moshell's lilbit of space said...

Hope you get to feeling better and soon...yes, I know what you mean about needing to get things done, my right hand/wrist is killing me..I know it's from PC work all day long, but it is effecting my arm too....ugh.

no insurance here either...totally sucks.

my prayers are with you.

Indigo said...

I'm dealing with those same questions about Skye, the thing is she's married to it now...As for Rusty, he loves you it's part of the package worrying about you. When it was up in the air and I found a lump in my breast..at the time Paul was suppose to go on the road and play professionally abroad..he stopped his dream to be there and keep an eye on me. It ended up being one of those watch and see cases..still I'm still haunted that he didn't go ahead with his plans. He says he wouldn't have it any other way. I hope the medical bills get taken care of soon hon. I think it's a great idea to call your caseworker and keep yourself in the front of his mind. (Hugs)Indigo

Traci said...

I'll worry right along with you, hon. And pray.

Paula said...

Sorry you are having these health issues so young. I'll be saying a little prayer for you. No I'll be sayind a big prayer for you.

Melissa said...

do u think it might be the medicine ur taking thats messing with ur sex drive?

Michelle said...

I hope you feel better.

You are in my daily prayers!!!!



a corgi said...

praying for you, Kelli


Chrissie said...

Everything will be okay. You have a lot on your mind too. I know your husband loves you and is naturally gonna worry, but it will be okay. As far as the kids go, they have live and learn on their own. I'm struggling with my oldest daughter to understand why she does what she does, but I don't think like her and my actions are totally different than hers so it's hard for me to be sympathic to her cause. I hope you find out something soon on the medical stuff. The waiting is the worst part of all. Hope you have a great day otherwise.
Take care, Chrissie

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I am a stay at home mom. I am also married to a veteran and he is the love of my life. I keep it real here and I hold nothing back. My life is a roller coaster ride, so strap on your seatbelt.... here we go!